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https://www.essence.com/love/how-love-changed-married-men/
When it comes to things like dating, getting married or starting a family, women don’t often hold back on sharing their thoughts, especially when we get together. But what do the fellas think? We’re passing the mic to a few happily married men for their insights on matters of the heart.
Nwigwe, his wife, Fat, and their baby daughter, Ivory, are expecting a new addition to their family.Tobe Nwigwe, 32 Hometown: Houston Profession: Rapper and Influencer Married: Two years
ON BEING A HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE, FAT
“If you can honor your covenant, it just humbles you. I treat nobody else in the world like I treat Fat. The husband-and-wife relationship, it just changes you. It makes you move and operate on a different level. Before I got married, I told Fat’s mama, ‘I’m going to take care of your daughter for the rest of her life.’ Marriage provides a whole different set of principles. I think that’s what I cherish the most.”
ON UNDERSTANDING LOVE
“I thought it was supposed to be the butterflies and the ‘you hang up,’ ‘no, you hang up’ type of feeling. In actuality, love is a command. I didn’t know what love was before we got married, but right after we got married, I started being overwhelmed with thoughts of, I’m really into my woman. I’m into nobody else other than my woman.”
ON CREATING A SOLID FOUNDATION
“Most people don’t see all of that groundwork that goes into building a life-until-death type of relationship. You just see the surface and you’re like, Yo, I want that. But you don’t understand. We went through five or six years of friendship, trying to be together, a year of separation, and then coming back and submitting our relationship to God. It was a lot, but that’s what it really takes to have a solid foundation in a real relationship.”
Oliver with his wife, Codie, and their three sons,Brooks (center) and twins Aristotle and LangstonTommy Oliver, 35Hometown: Philadelphia Profession: Filmmaker, Entrepreneur and Cocreator of OWN’s Black Love docuseries Married: Five years
ON FINDING LOVE WITH HIS WIFE, CODIE ELAINE
“It became clear very early on that there was no one better than Codie. And when I realized that, it was like, why even keep looking? Why not put all my energy into this amazing person and see if we can make this work? I don’t fall hard and fast, but as my wife says, I am incredibly decisive. I evaluate things quickly. With her, it was like, she’s incredible. She’s sweet. She’s a good person. We have similar interests and consistent values, and on top of that, she’s also beautiful.”
ON CREATING A FAMILY
“Marriage is a lot harder than people expect. It’s a lot of work but it’s worth it. The payoff is worth it. Being a nuclear family is something that’s really important to us. That’s why we had kids. I love the life that we’ve built and the life that we are building together—the shared memories and experiences, the things that we’re able to accomplish together. To see her flourish, to see her be an incredible mother, is a very cool place for me to be, alongside her.”
ON RELATIONSHIP GOALS
“Longevity and happiness are what it’s all about. It’s about figuring out how to be together happily. That’s the only measurement that, I think, makes sense. Those are relationship goals: to still like the person you’re with, to still want to be with the person you’re with because you choose to be with them—not because it’s the default, not because it’s the easy thing. That doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time, but overall, you are happy, and you are still one team, and every day you’re choosing that team. You’re choosing to be together.”
It became clear early on that there was no one better than Codie.
—TOMMY OLIVER, COCREATOR OF BLACK LOVE
Burns with his wife of 20 years, JessicaKenny Burns, 47 Hometown: Washington, D.C. Profession: Life>Married: 20 years
ON KNOWING JESSICA WAS THE ONE
“I was in Chicago by Lake Michigan, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what I’m gonna do. The music business is not for me. These people aren’t like me. They’re so conniving and backstabbing.’ I was like, ‘I’m gonna put my hands on someone. There have to be some repercussions.’ Jessica was like, ‘You can’t do none of that.’ She starts speaking all types of life into me. And then she said, ‘By the way, you’re Kenny Motherf–king Burns!’ And I knew right then, on that big-ass rock we were sittin’ on in Lake Michigan, that I was going to marry her. I knew when I saw her, but that just confirmed it. It was a Build-a-Bear situation. She guided me toward my superpowers. She saw the superstar in me before I saw the superstar in me.”
ON MARRIAGE BEING COOL
“I think people like my wife and me definitely show that being married is cool, that being married is sexy. It’s fly. It’s fashionable. I think that is what our generation wants. We wanted it because we didn’t see great examples of it. We had The Cosby Show and that was the holy grail for us, visually. Now we have a culture that preaches misogyny and heavy drug use. It basically tells you to be unconscious and do whatever you want to do. That’s not real life. That’s not a legacy-written life. If you follow Kenny and Jessica Burns, you see praise and thankfulness. You see family. You see luxury. I think there are plenty of examples like us out there.”
ON CREATING A BLUEPRINT
“We put one foot in front of the other and we learned. I started out being gone all the time—trying to make this money—and then we implemented the four-day rule. You leave on the first day; you’re back on the fourth. These are all things you have to be attentive to on your journey. Because staying gone all the time does what? Creates separation. Being gone a little bit of time creates, ‘I miss you. I want to see you. I can’t wait to get home.’ In a partnership, you take your learning from the past, but you implement your experiences as you go.”
Bereola and his wife, Letisha, with son Miles announced last August that they are expecting baby number two, a girlEnitan Bereola II, 38 Hometown: San Jose and Oakland, CaliforniaProfession: Author of Gentlewoman and Bereolaesque and Creative Executive Officer of SaintMiles Married: Six years
ON WHAT ATTRACTED HIM TO HIS WIFE, LETISHA
“Her unwillingness to compromise in the presence of charm and wit. She was so grounded, confident and comfortable. I was a playboy since middle school, but I didn’t sway her. And I was so used to being able to manipulate people. She wasn’t playing hard to get—she was hard to get. She wasn’t going to fall for anybody, and I had to acquiesce to her vibe and get on her level. And I was almost forced into a friendship if I was going to have any type of relationship with her. She had a whole different type of glow.”
ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
“Our relationship grows because we work on ourselves every day. At a certain point, you realize that it’s you against yourself. It ain’t got nothing to do with the other person. I don’t love my wife because of anything—that makes the love conditional. I just love my wife. She can’t do anything about that. That’s a choice. It’s a decision. It has nothing to do with what she does or who she is. I love her.”
ON CREATING A SAFE SPACE
“I think the beauty of our relationship is that you have a space safe to just be you. You can take off your cool. I’d dance and sing and be hella silly, and she allowed me to be that. It felt like home and she still loved me. We talked about our secrets, our flaws, our mistakes and mishaps. There was a comfortable, safe space to do that, and she knew exactly who I was and loved me still. Before her, I thought women expected a man to come to the table with everything. She taught me that instead of trying to build apart, why don’t we build together?”
This article originally appeared in the March/April 2020 issue of ESSENCE magazine
The post 4 Happily Married Black Men Reveal How Love Made Them Better appeared first on Essence.
When it comes to things like dating, getting married or starting a family, women don’t often hold back on sharing their thoughts, especially when we get together. But what do the fellas think? We’re passing the mic to a few happily married men for their insights on matters of the heart.
Nwigwe, his wife, Fat, and their baby daughter, Ivory, are expecting a new addition to their family.Tobe Nwigwe, 32 Hometown: Houston Profession: Rapper and Influencer Married: Two years ON BEING A HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE, FAT
“If you can honor your covenant, it just humbles you. I treat nobody else in the world like I treat Fat. The husband-and-wife relationship, it just changes you. It makes you move and operate on a different level. Before I got married, I told Fat’s mama, ‘I’m going to take care of your daughter for the rest of her life.’ Marriage provides a whole different set of principles. I think that’s what I cherish the most.”
ON UNDERSTANDING LOVE
“I thought it was supposed to be the butterflies and the ‘you hang up,’ ‘no, you hang up’ type of feeling. In actuality, love is a command. I didn’t know what love was before we got married, but right after we got married, I started being overwhelmed with thoughts of, I’m really into my woman. I’m into nobody else other than my woman.”
ON CREATING A SOLID FOUNDATION
“Most people don’t see all of that groundwork that goes into building a life-until-death type of relationship. You just see the surface and you’re like, Yo, I want that. But you don’t understand. We went through five or six years of friendship, trying to be together, a year of separation, and then coming back and submitting our relationship to God. It was a lot, but that’s what it really takes to have a solid foundation in a real relationship.”
Oliver with his wife, Codie, and their three sons,Brooks (center) and twins Aristotle and LangstonTommy Oliver, 35Hometown: Philadelphia Profession: Filmmaker, Entrepreneur and Cocreator of OWN’s Black Love docuseries Married: Five years ON FINDING LOVE WITH HIS WIFE, CODIE ELAINE
“It became clear very early on that there was no one better than Codie. And when I realized that, it was like, why even keep looking? Why not put all my energy into this amazing person and see if we can make this work? I don’t fall hard and fast, but as my wife says, I am incredibly decisive. I evaluate things quickly. With her, it was like, she’s incredible. She’s sweet. She’s a good person. We have similar interests and consistent values, and on top of that, she’s also beautiful.”
ON CREATING A FAMILY
“Marriage is a lot harder than people expect. It’s a lot of work but it’s worth it. The payoff is worth it. Being a nuclear family is something that’s really important to us. That’s why we had kids. I love the life that we’ve built and the life that we are building together—the shared memories and experiences, the things that we’re able to accomplish together. To see her flourish, to see her be an incredible mother, is a very cool place for me to be, alongside her.”
ON RELATIONSHIP GOALS
“Longevity and happiness are what it’s all about. It’s about figuring out how to be together happily. That’s the only measurement that, I think, makes sense. Those are relationship goals: to still like the person you’re with, to still want to be with the person you’re with because you choose to be with them—not because it’s the default, not because it’s the easy thing. That doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time, but overall, you are happy, and you are still one team, and every day you’re choosing that team. You’re choosing to be together.”
It became clear early on that there was no one better than Codie.
—TOMMY OLIVER, COCREATOR OF BLACK LOVEBurns with his wife of 20 years, JessicaKenny Burns, 47 Hometown: Washington, D.C. Profession: Life>Married: 20 yearsON KNOWING JESSICA WAS THE ONE
“I was in Chicago by Lake Michigan, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what I’m gonna do. The music business is not for me. These people aren’t like me. They’re so conniving and backstabbing.’ I was like, ‘I’m gonna put my hands on someone. There have to be some repercussions.’ Jessica was like, ‘You can’t do none of that.’ She starts speaking all types of life into me. And then she said, ‘By the way, you’re Kenny Motherf–king Burns!’ And I knew right then, on that big-ass rock we were sittin’ on in Lake Michigan, that I was going to marry her. I knew when I saw her, but that just confirmed it. It was a Build-a-Bear situation. She guided me toward my superpowers. She saw the superstar in me before I saw the superstar in me.”
ON MARRIAGE BEING COOL
“I think people like my wife and me definitely show that being married is cool, that being married is sexy. It’s fly. It’s fashionable. I think that is what our generation wants. We wanted it because we didn’t see great examples of it. We had The Cosby Show and that was the holy grail for us, visually. Now we have a culture that preaches misogyny and heavy drug use. It basically tells you to be unconscious and do whatever you want to do. That’s not real life. That’s not a legacy-written life. If you follow Kenny and Jessica Burns, you see praise and thankfulness. You see family. You see luxury. I think there are plenty of examples like us out there.”
ON CREATING A BLUEPRINT
“We put one foot in front of the other and we learned. I started out being gone all the time—trying to make this money—and then we implemented the four-day rule. You leave on the first day; you’re back on the fourth. These are all things you have to be attentive to on your journey. Because staying gone all the time does what? Creates separation. Being gone a little bit of time creates, ‘I miss you. I want to see you. I can’t wait to get home.’ In a partnership, you take your learning from the past, but you implement your experiences as you go.”
Bereola and his wife, Letisha, with son Miles announced last August that they are expecting baby number two, a girlEnitan Bereola II, 38 Hometown: San Jose and Oakland, CaliforniaProfession: Author of Gentlewoman and Bereolaesque and Creative Executive Officer of SaintMiles Married: Six yearsON WHAT ATTRACTED HIM TO HIS WIFE, LETISHA
“Her unwillingness to compromise in the presence of charm and wit. She was so grounded, confident and comfortable. I was a playboy since middle school, but I didn’t sway her. And I was so used to being able to manipulate people. She wasn’t playing hard to get—she was hard to get. She wasn’t going to fall for anybody, and I had to acquiesce to her vibe and get on her level. And I was almost forced into a friendship if I was going to have any type of relationship with her. She had a whole different type of glow.”
ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
“Our relationship grows because we work on ourselves every day. At a certain point, you realize that it’s you against yourself. It ain’t got nothing to do with the other person. I don’t love my wife because of anything—that makes the love conditional. I just love my wife. She can’t do anything about that. That’s a choice. It’s a decision. It has nothing to do with what she does or who she is. I love her.”
ON CREATING A SAFE SPACE
“I think the beauty of our relationship is that you have a space safe to just be you. You can take off your cool. I’d dance and sing and be hella silly, and she allowed me to be that. It felt like home and she still loved me. We talked about our secrets, our flaws, our mistakes and mishaps. There was a comfortable, safe space to do that, and she knew exactly who I was and loved me still. Before her, I thought women expected a man to come to the table with everything. She taught me that instead of trying to build apart, why don’t we build together?”
This article originally appeared in the March/April 2020 issue of ESSENCE magazine
The post 4 Happily Married Black Men Reveal How Love Made Them Better appeared first on Essence.
We know what you’re going through. You’re stuck at home and you’re bored and you just want to enjoy some damn BOOKS. But how? Brick and mortar stores are shut down and Amazon is, to put it lightly, f*cking evil. So what are you going to do? Well, hope is here. You can support your local, independent bookstores (and stick it to Jeff Bezos) by buying your books from Bookshop.
Bookshop is a relatively new site that launched right before the coronavirus shutdown hit, and thank goodness it did, because it’s giving a lifeline to many local, small booksellers. The biggest advantage that Amazon has over small, local sook store is an online, easy-to-use platform and streamlined service.
According to Bookshop’s CEO and founder Andy Hunter, when speaking with Inside Hook: “There are almost 2,000 bookstores in the country, and only about 150 of them have good online shopping platforms. That leaves a lot of stores that haven’t adapted, and Amazon’s kind of eating their lunch.”
Which is where Bookshop comes in. It allows you to easily order books from indie stores. Bookstores sign up to sell through Bookshop and 30% of the profits got to them. That’s not as much as the 40% to 45% they get selling themselves but it’s better than nothing, especially if a shop doesn’t have a robust online presence.
While Amazon is using their energy smearing labor organizer in their warehouses, many indie bookstores are struggling to scrape buy after being forced to close. Powell’s Books in Portland, the countries largest and most famous indie bookstore, laid off nearly all of their staff when Oregon non-essential business was ordered to shut down. They then hired 100 back to fill a flood of online orders. This shows how important online sales will be for the store during this time.
So, if you’re looking to buy some books, check out Bookshop and support local, non-evil bookstores as much as you can!
(via: Inside Hook, image: Disney)
Here are some other interesting things we saw today:
- People in the UK are burning 5G tower and it’s as good a time as any to remind you the 5g DOESN’T CAUSE CORONAVIRUS! (via Vice)
- For your Joe Exotic casting consideration: Rob Lowe. (via Daily Mail)
- The creators, cast, and songwriter of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend remember Adam Schlesinger. (via Vulture)
- Happy 25th Birthday to Paul Rudd again.
Paul Rudd at 28 vs Paul Rudd at 51. Does this man age? TBD. HBD! 🎉 pic.twitter.com/w2llCgVdUj
— InStyle (@InStyle) April 6, 2020
- Speaking of Rudd. The next Ant-Man movie has found its writer with Rick and Morty’s Jeff Loveness. (via Nerdist)
- Cats all over are testing positive for Coronavirus, but it’s not jumping from them to humans. (via Vanity Fair)
- Soon.
Hopelessly horny. The new season of #ShadowsFX premieres Wednesday, 4/15 on FX. Next day #FXonHulu. pic.twitter.com/L2wL26rs0H
— What We Do In The Shadows (@theshadowsfx) April 5, 2020
- Worst. President. Ever. (via Washington Post)
Anything we missed out there today, Mary Suevians?
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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—
Celebrities are getting creative—and generous—during the COVID-19 crisis. It’s one of the unexpected bright spots in this very dark time. Movies, TV shows, concerts, and more are streaming online for free. Famous folk gather on Instagram to show us their kitchens and read us bedtime stories. It’s a touching way of giving us all something to enjoy during quarantine.
Never one to disappoint, Phoebe Waller-Bridge is getting in on the action. The genius behind the mega-successful BBC Three and Amazon TV series Fleabag—which you may know from the zillions of awards it won last year, including Best Comedy Series at the Emmys—will make a broadcast of Fleabag Live available to stream (via Rolling Stone).
Amazon
The one-woman show was first performed by Waller-Bridge at Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2013, and was later expanded into the TV show. The version that will stream was performed and recorded at Wyndham’s Theatre in 2019 and first broadcast in theaters as a special live event.
Fleabag Live is currently available to stream in the UK and Ireland on Soho Theatre’s On Demand streaming site for £4. It will expand to the U.S. on Amazon Prime for $5 this Friday, April 10, when it will also be available on the Soho Theatre service in Australia, New Zealand, and Canada.
Here’s Waller-Bridge’s full statement about the stream:
“I hope this filmed performance of Fleabag can help raise money while providing a little theatrical entertainment in these isolated times. Thank you to all our partners and to the creative team who have waived their royalties from this production to raise money for such vital causes in this unbelievably challenging situation. All money raised will support the people throughout our society who are fighting for us on the frontlines and those financially devastated by the crisis, including those in the theatre community. Thank you in advance to those who donate. Now go get into bed with Fleabag. It’s for charity.”
The proceeds earned will go to various charities, including The National Emergencies Trust, NHS Charities Together and Acting For Others. They will also benefit the recently launched Fleabag Support Fund, which will distribute £2,500 grants to freelancers in the UK theatre industry affected by the pandemic. Waller-Bridge kicked off the fund with a donation, with more donations pouring in today. You can donate yourself on the Fleabag Support Fund GoFundMe page here.
We’re big fans of Waller-Bridge’s brain and talent, and now we can add philanthropy to the reasons why we’ll follow her into whatever she pursues next.
Featured Image: BBC Three/Amazon
The post FLEABAG Stage Show Will Stream Online For Charity appeared first on Nerdist.
One of the most effective ways to protect yourself from contracting COVID-19, or the novel coronavirus, is to wash your hands frequently using hand soap or hand sanitizer. Since the start of the pandemic, there has been a massive shortage of both products along with other household cleaning supplies like paper towels and disinfectant wipes. Here are a couple of black-owned health and wellness companies that also offer hand sanitizer to stock up on during your quarantine.
Started in 2012, Owner Phillip Garner start Garners Garden to provide 100% natural, vegan-friendly ingredients for everyday products. In addition to hand sanitizer, the company also provides natural deodorants, facial creams, and more.
This Detroit-based company carries plant-based hand sanitizers that are infused with aloe vera and Vitamin E. Touch Body Works formulates their hand sanitizers with botanical extracts and their formula is free of sulfates.
This New Orleans-based boutique is a one-stop-shop for all your natural wellness offering yoni steams and life coaching sessions in its spa. You can find foaming hand sanitizers, hand sanitizer mists, and anti-bacterial sprays on their online store.
This black-woman beauty bar based out of Durham, North Carolina, creates products using ingredients derived from the Earth. You can pre-order customizable hand sanitizer choosing your own essential oil and a range of sizes.
PurHome specializes in natural, non-toxic, and eco-friendly detergents and cleaning products for the household including hand sanitizer and household cleaning from laundry detergent and multisurface cleaner.
Olive Branch Wellness Boutique
Olive Branch Wellness Boutique is a vegan and organic skincare & haircare boutique carrying products made with organic aloe vera that keeps hands soft and moisturized. The packaging is made from sustainable, recyclable packaging. In addition to hand sanitizer, they also carry natural skincare products.