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On December 23, 2022, Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o surprised us on social media when she introduced her romance with television host and designer Selema Masekela.
“We just click!” Lupita wrote on Instagram. “@selema #thisismylove #nuffsaid.”
Selema also confirmed their romance with his own post, writing, “Hearts are synched. My whole and actual love @lupitanyongo. #outkickedthecoverage.”
Throughout Nyong’o’s career, she has discussed her choice to keep her private life out of the public eye — and rightfully so, as social media can be a war zone when you share parts of your life. Yet, she more recently shared a message on Instagram that she is “dissociating herself from someone she can no longer trust” within her “season of heartbreak.”
While she didn’t expressly give a name, removing photos of Masekela from her Instagram and not following each other anymore told us all we needed to know. The post comes one day after photos of Nyong’o and actor Joshua Jackson were taken at a Janelle Monae concert in Los Angeles. Jackson is newly split from his wife Jodie Turner-Smith.
I know, it’s a lot. You may be wondering how news of yet another Hollywood breakup could possibly add value to your life. Nyong’o shared for “someone else out there experiencing the grip of heartbreak who is poised to try and escape from the pain and miss out on the wisdom that comes from it.”
Her post sparks the conversation about how women, particularly Black women, overcome breakups and heartache and move forward from them.
Over a decade ago, I found myself going through a divorce. It was painful and I chose not to share what I was going through. Even after I finally confided in people close to me, I still felt alone and had to navigate how to get through that difficult time. People will have their opinions and actually take sides. Your feelings will be dismissed, and you’re almost forced to become bulletproof.
Black women are consistently isolated by society and then punished for speaking about their pain. When we choose to speak about loneliness and lack of care in romantic relationships, people downplay our vulnerability because we are supposed to be so strong all the time.
What I know for sure is that heartache is something to move through and not necessarily move on from. The idea of moving on gives the impression that there are specific steps you can take and that, if followed correctly, one day you’ll be good as new. Moving through allows the space to go as far as you can but give yourself grace to take a step back if needed. Moving through does not force you to rush and feel better. The only way to heal from a breakup is to move through the pain until it’s done. As Nyong’o said, if we try and escape the pain, we might miss out on the wisdom it provides.
According to Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., professor and former chair in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey, a social media purge can protect your heart. Nyong’o certainly took note of this by deleting all the photos from her Instagram account. Lewandowski says that Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted. “Though it may be temporarily gratifying to satisfy your curiosity,” regarding what the ex is up to, “it’s best not to look back.”
As Lewandowski describes in his TEDx talk, Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken, it’s important to become reacquainted with “parts of yourself that you may have deemphasized or neglected during the relationship” in order to “remember who you are separate from the relationship.” He encourages asking yourself what activities your relationship may have been blocking and then rediscovering that part of yourself.
Nyong’o being spotted with Joshua Jackson allows us to speculate. New relationship, or simply friends having a night out? It’s true that some people try to cope with a breakup by jumping into another relationship. I have seen friends do this, and it doesn’t allow time to actually process emotions and get to know yourself again. This should be a time for self-discovery and reflection. The pain is so present that you need time to let it subside.
We’ve all seen the posts on social media about Black women living a “soft life,” and what that actually looks like. It’s about living life in a way that creates space for vulnerability and peace. Simply existing in this world as a Black woman is hard. The truth is it feels harder than ever these days.
In the early days of the lockdown, we focused on being our best selves through the harder-better-faster-stronger trope. There was a time when the mandate of the strong Black woman gave so many us the edge we needed to survive. But it also gave us burnout. In addition to balancing work and our physical and mental health, we’ve also had to carry the weight in our personal lives, making sure that everyone else is okay while we’re just out here suffering. So many of our connections often feel unfulfilling because we’re pouring from an empty cup, providing unconditional love and support without being met with reciprocity.
There is no rule book for what to do when a relationship ends. But one interesting notion comes from Habiba Jessica Zaman, a professional counselor: “Our healing time will depend on the meaning the relationship held, as well as the length of the relationship.”
Nyong’o shared a message of gratitude to followers who have sent her messages of support. “Thank you for all the kindness I have received from sharing my heartbreak news,” Lupita wrote on her Instagram Story on October 22. She continued, “And it feels comforting to have a little corner online for the romantically heartbroken to gather.”
Nyong’o taking to social media to express her pain and loss about a relationship is what people consistently do these days. We allow the world into our most vulnerable spaces, in the hopes that we’ll feel better or possibly gain some acknowledgment of our feelings. I believe she also recognizes that she is not alone in what she’s going through. With her massive platform, she has the reach to actually help someone going through the same. We see that she’s just like us, doing our best moving through.
On December 23, 2022, Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o surprised us on social media when she introduced her romance with television host and designer Selema Masekela.
“We just click!” Lupita wrote on Instagram. “@selema #thisismylove #nuffsaid.”
Selema also confirmed their romance with his own post, writing, “Hearts are synched. My whole and actual love @lupitanyongo. #outkickedthecoverage.”
Throughout Nyong’o’s career, she has discussed her choice to keep her private life out of the public eye — and rightfully so, as social media can be a war zone when you share parts of your life. Yet, she more recently shared a message on Instagram that she is “dissociating herself from someone she can no longer trust” within her “season of heartbreak.”
While she didn’t expressly give a name, removing photos of Masekela from her Instagram and not following each other anymore told us all we needed to know. The post comes one day after photos of Nyong’o and actor Joshua Jackson were taken at a Janelle Monae concert in Los Angeles. Jackson is newly split from his wife Jodie Turner-Smith.
I know, it’s a lot. You may be wondering how news of yet another Hollywood breakup could possibly add value to your life. Nyong’o shared for “someone else out there experiencing the grip of heartbreak who is poised to try and escape from the pain and miss out on the wisdom that comes from it.”
Her post sparks the conversation about how women, particularly Black women, overcome breakups and heartache and move forward from them.
Over a decade ago, I found myself going through a divorce. It was painful and I chose not to share what I was going through. Even after I finally confided in people close to me, I still felt alone and had to navigate how to get through that difficult time. People will have their opinions and actually take sides. Your feelings will be dismissed, and you’re almost forced to become bulletproof.
Black women are consistently isolated by society and then punished for speaking about their pain. When we choose to speak about loneliness and lack of care in romantic relationships, people downplay our vulnerability because we are supposed to be so strong all the time.
What I know for sure is that heartache is something to move through and not necessarily move on from. The idea of moving on gives the impression that there are specific steps you can take and that, if followed correctly, one day you’ll be good as new. Moving through allows the space to go as far as you can but give yourself grace to take a step back if needed. Moving through does not force you to rush and feel better. The only way to heal from a breakup is to move through the pain until it’s done. As Nyong’o said, if we try and escape the pain, we might miss out on the wisdom it provides.
According to Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., professor and former chair in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey, a social media purge can protect your heart. Nyong’o certainly took note of this by deleting all the photos from her Instagram account. Lewandowski says that Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted. “Though it may be temporarily gratifying to satisfy your curiosity,” regarding what the ex is up to, “it’s best not to look back.”
As Lewandowski describes in his TEDx talk, Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken, it’s important to become reacquainted with “parts of yourself that you may have deemphasized or neglected during the relationship” in order to “remember who you are separate from the relationship.” He encourages asking yourself what activities your relationship may have been blocking and then rediscovering that part of yourself.
Nyong’o being spotted with Joshua Jackson allows us to speculate. New relationship, or simply friends having a night out? It’s true that some people try to cope with a breakup by jumping into another relationship. I have seen friends do this, and it doesn’t allow time to actually process emotions and get to know yourself again. This should be a time for self-discovery and reflection. The pain is so present that you need time to let it subside.
We’ve all seen the posts on social media about Black women living a “soft life,” and what that actually looks like. It’s about living life in a way that creates space for vulnerability and peace. Simply existing in this world as a Black woman is hard. The truth is it feels harder than ever these days.
In the early days of the lockdown, we focused on being our best selves through the harder-better-faster-stronger trope. There was a time when the mandate of the strong Black woman gave so many us the edge we needed to survive. But it also gave us burnout. In addition to balancing work and our physical and mental health, we’ve also had to carry the weight in our personal lives, making sure that everyone else is okay while we’re just out here suffering. So many of our connections often feel unfulfilling because we’re pouring from an empty cup, providing unconditional love and support without being met with reciprocity.
There is no rule book for what to do when a relationship ends. But one interesting notion comes from Habiba Jessica Zaman, a professional counselor: “Our healing time will depend on the meaning the relationship held, as well as the length of the relationship.”
Nyong’o shared a message of gratitude to followers who have sent her messages of support. “Thank you for all the kindness I have received from sharing my heartbreak news,” Lupita wrote on her Instagram Story on October 22. She continued, “And it feels comforting to have a little corner online for the romantically heartbroken to gather.”
Nyong’o taking to social media to express her pain and loss about a relationship is what people consistently do these days. We allow the world into our most vulnerable spaces, in the hopes that we’ll feel better or possibly gain some acknowledgment of our feelings. I believe she also recognizes that she is not alone in what she’s going through. With her massive platform, she has the reach to actually help someone going through the same. We see that she’s just like us, doing our best moving through.
Horror is a genre that disturbs many people. At the same time, many are drawn to it and want more. That’s exactly what it’s supposed to do. Over the last few years, I have been reading a lot of horror books, more intentionally Black horror. Although it’s not a new genre, it has commanded popular and critical attention, bringing it into American mainstream like never before.
Tananarive Due has been a remarkable voice in Black speculative fiction for decades, best known for her supernatural suspense and mystery novels and short stories, including Ghost Summer: Stories, My Soul to Keep, Blood Colony, The Living Blood and The Good House. Her writing has been included in Jordan Peele’s recent anthology Out There Screaming, as well as other anthology collections. The Miami native has received the American Book Award, an NAACP Image Award, and a British Fantasy Award.
Due’s recent work, The Reformatory, takes place in Florida during Jim Crow, so that alone should warn you about the triggers this book has: racism, child abuse, massive amounts of racial slurs, severe violence, just to name a few. She brings us a terrifying ghost story, some very dark history, and a story that is terrifyingly relevant today.
Robbie, Gloria, and the boys at the Reformatory were so innocent, and what happens in the book just strips that innocence from them time and again. But even as some parts are extremely hard to read, Due’s writing style is engaging and the plot is a page-turner. You won’t be disappointed whether you’re here for the ghost story or the history. It’s horrifying, yet well-done.
The Reformatory is based on the true story of the Dozier School for Boys in Florida. Due dedicates the book to Robert Stephens, her great-uncle who died there in 1937 when he was just fifteen years old. The story begins in Gracetown, Florida, in 1950 with 12-year-old Robbie Stephens Jr. and his sister Gloria. Robbie is sentenced to six months at Gracetown School for Boys, a reformatory school, after kicking Lyle, the son of Red McCormick (a powerful landowner in town), after Lyle tried to make advances towards Robbie’s sister. After Robbie is arrested and sentenced, Gloria realizes that this is all a set up to destroy Robbie and her family and tries to act quickly to save him.
When Robbie arrives to the Reformatory, he starts seeing the horrors that were rumored to be true. Robbie has the ability to see ghosts (or in this case, they’re called haints) and sees the torture that they endured. It is not long before Robbie witnesses these horrors for himself.
While at the Reformatory, Robbie’s ability to see ghosts turns into a window to see the truth of what really happens there. Boys forced to work to remediate their crimes have gone missing without a trace, but the ghosts have shown Robbie what happened to them. While he is learning how to survive, his sister Gloria is rallying everyone she knows and trying every possible thing she can to get Robbie out of the reformatory before it’s too late.
I had a huge mix of emotions while reading this book. Yes, it’s a ghost story, but the horror really came from Jim Crow South being portrayed so explicitly. Books like The Reformatory are powerful reminders that we have to always remember this happened. There are a lot of triggers. At times, it was difficult to even read, struggling with the graphic depictions of violence against children. I was in constant fear for the main characters.
Due lets the characters explore every avenue of escaping their fates and builds tension with every page by shutting them down one at a time — in the dead of night among the spirits of half-burned corpses, in the broad daylight of a public road, in the chambers of a racist judge whose shield of privilege allows for state-sanctioned kidnapping, assault, and murder.
That being said, I believe Due’s purpose is to make the reader uncomfortable since it’s based on a horrifying true story. Due’s storytelling is bar none; it’s one of the strongest depictions of this horrendous time period in American history. I am shocked at how fast I read this book — at nearly 600 pages. Don’t be intimidated by the length because the story flows quite fast. The author truly needed this amount of content to accurately characterize and strengthen the story.
The truth is, most of what we consider to be classic horror was created for us. The genre is inundated by white male gatekeeping that most entertainment is subject to. I believe that part of horror’s attraction is its charge to invent and create. However, the unfortunate outcome of this gatekeeping is that it gives us limited freedom to access that imagination.
The thing with horror is that we are able to pick up a book such as this and experience fear without actually having to face it. No matter how horrified you are or how difficult it is to get through, the genre feels acceptable because it’s not actually happening to us. We can stop reading and turn away.
For Black readers, horror doesn’t have to extend far. Have you ever been the only Black woman at your job or the only Black family in your neighborhood? Have you ever been Black or Brown and pulled over by the police? This is horror, too. Unfortunately, we can’t turn away.
The Reformatory is the too-real fear of being in a Black body, a trauma that is always present and never lets us go. Just like towards the end of the book when Robbie is safe with his sister: “The Reformatory was the Hell from Pastor Jenkin’s sermons, hidden at the edge of Gracetown while people drove their cars and played with their children and ate ice cream cones on Main Street… so normal and everyday, with Hell so close by.”
This made me reflect on how we go about our daily lives, knowing that evil lurks between the everyday normal that we see. The theme that resonated with me was the exploration of power dynamics: color, gender, ability, age, and even living status. Who creates the systems, who enforces the systems to benefit from privilege, who inherits power, who earns it, and who could have it if only they knew the strength of their numbers? It’s deplorable that the Dozier school was allowed to stay open for over 100 years.
I give this book a 5/5 stars. The Reformatory is a beautifully written book about a truly horrible story. There is a lot of darkness but it does shine light on a history that is so important to focus on and never forget. It is haunting and will stay with you for a long time after reading.
The Reformatory is available October 31, 2023, wherever books are sold.
In 2013, three inspiring visionaries Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors, and Opal Tometi created a Black-centered political movement project called #BlackLivesMatter. It was in response to the acquittal of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin’s murderer, George Zimmerman.
Black Lives Matter (BLM) grew into a global network with more than 40 chapters. Members organized and built local power to intervene when state violence occurred in Black communities. They’ve not only been a voice but a much-needed response to significant gaps in movement and leadership.
In recent years, there have been troublesome worries about the controversies and dysfunction that have rocked the movement. New ramifications over a legal battle have raised serious questions about the fundraising piece of the movement. There also are fears that the best years could be behind BLM at a time when racism is being normalized by far-right Republicans at a rapid pace. There are questions about whether this could be the beginning of the end.
After 10 years, about half of U.S. adults say they support the BLM movement, according to the Pew Research Center. Three years ago, following the murder of George Floyd, two-thirds expressed support for the movement. Of Black adults, 81 percent say they support the movement, compared with 63 percent of Asian adults, 61 percent of Hispanic adults, and 42 percent of white adults. White adults are more likely to describe the movement as divisive and dangerous, and the least likely to describe it as empowering.
Transformative national change has proven to be fleeting. We have been faced with inflation, reduced public safety, wars, the overturn of Roe v. Wade. All of these things, while critical, have taken over the atmosphere, and support for BLM has diminished. While police reform and federal voter protection both failed to pass the Senate, the founders of Black Lives Matter have been drawn into controversies about how they handled money. Worse, there are allegations that they mismanaged millions of dollars after having purchased (in cash) a $6 million home in Southern California with donated funds.
The purchase was not reported, and BLM’s leadership had hoped to keep the house’s existence a secret. Documents, emails, and other communications about the 6,500 square foot property as well as day-to-day operation suggest that it was handled in ways that blurred boundaries between the charity and private companies owned by some of the leaders. It creates the impression that money donated to the cause of racial justice has been spent in ways that benefited the leaders of Black Lives Matter personally.
Black Lives Matter is a decentralized movement that pushes for racial justice and an end of police brutality. It’s also a collection of individual organizations. One of those organizations is the Black Lives Matter Global Network Foundation, a nonprofit registered with the Internal Revenue Service. Until recently, it served as the main fundraising piece of BLM and accepted the majority of donations to the movement and distributed that money to activists working in dozens of official chapters.
Patrisse Cullors stepped down from her leadership role with the foundation, and a new board of directors, most of them more experienced in helping manage large nonprofits, stepped in. They had a different vision for BLM and pushed forward with implementing it. Not everyone was happy about the change, so new chapters of BLM were started to form Black Lives Matter Grassroots. The result? A legal battle in Los Angeles Superior Court. BLM Grassroots sued the BLM foundation, focusing on Bowers, and alleging misrepresentation, mismanagement, and financial malfeasance. But in late June of this year, a judge dismissed the lawsuit, resolving nothing and leaving BLM Grassroots and the BLM foundation more or less permanently at odds, as an appeal could take years.
Now BLM Grassroots has registered with the IRS as a nonprofit, too — and has started accepting donations. Both organizations stake a claim to being the real Black Lives Matter.
Black liberation is about dismantling racist, oppressive systems that were built to suppress Black people and keep them from flourishing. With that being said, Black liberation never dies. The notion of Blackness is more than just a reference to skin color but can be applied to all people of color who have a history of oppression.
Black organizations seem to always be critiqued more closely and more harshly. It speaks to how deeply embedded anti-Blackness is within the culture of the United States. While hashtags with people’s names have become symbols of the Black Lives Matter movement, one key fact drives it — Black people are about three times more likely than white people to be killed by police when they are unarmed and not attacking, and as in the case of Trayvon Martin with whom this all started, and are more likely to be profiled because of race.
I believe we’ve all reached a point where we don’t expect much from America; it has a deep capacity for change but a superficial desire for it. James Baldwin said in his essay “Journey to Atlanta” from the book Notes of a Native Son, “…wise desire not to be betrayed by too much hoping.” This generation are the ones who most believe that change is not only possible but imminent, only to have America retreat. As the fullness of Black Lives Matter hangs in the balance, we can only hope they will not do the same.