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I think before we get into any of this I should say I have no intention or desire to live in any post-apocalyptic world. White folks are bat shit crazy now and we technically live in a civilized society in one of the most powerful and progressive nations in the world. I also think white folks don’t know what most of those words mean but love to use em, but that’s a story for another platform.
In my ideal scenario, I break into some celebrity’s house and off myself while floating in their pool in a fur of an animal I can’t spell. BUT, if I was required to go all Woody Harrelson on a motherfucking undead ass motherfucka with my hand picked team of reality TV show stars (because apparently I was set up to be a Wayans brothers film without the racism), these are the people I would choose.
Team Lead/Mastermind: Bear “Motherfucking” Grylls from Man vs. Wild
Like, if there was a draft pick for survival teams and anyone passed up Bear, they’d deserve to be eaten while taking a dump in a Marathon bathroom. Hell yeah I’ll take the white man that maroons himself for fun in dangerous places for my entertainment and education.
Bear gone have us set up with fire, clean water (or distilled piss) and shelter before I even finish looting all the stores that wouldn’t let my Black ass in a few weeks prior. I don’t care what this white man says short of calling me a n**** or Nubian princess, I am fucking doing it. I hate when you’re watching a movie and the soon to be dead person starts questioning the expert. I write my feelings for a living, so when he says jump, Imma jump and not get bit. But also, I grew up poor so I’ll trip his ass with the swiftness if it ever came down to me and him and never, ever look back. His official title would be Do Whatever the White Man says.
Cook: Anthony Bourdain from No Reservations and Parts Unknown
Bear will be able to identify all the shits that’s not going to make me poop myself or die and Bourdain’s ass has made a career eating the delicacies and terrors of the globe… and I’m a fattie who would rather not eat surprise “what’s in this can I scavenged, damn it, it’s beans again” every night. That’s just not the move.
Nature got plenty of gifts, I just don’t know what to do with them. There are plenty more reality TV chefs I’d rather hang with but Bourdain intentionally travels the globe eating lesser known foods and we never know where our mission will take us. He also seems the least high maintenance, like if I give him a hunting knife, a camp stove, and a squirrel, he’ll make me a lovely perfectly seasoned amuse bouche to devour in between shooting shit and running for my life. His official title would be Shut Up & Eat
Weapons Expert: Paige Wyatt from American Guns
Paige looks like she’ll call me girlfriend and try and ask me to teach her how to twerk, all of which will get her cussed out and educated.
But none of that matters because my new white friend also has been shooting shit since her Barbie days. As far as I can tell from the extensive research I’ve done via Hollywood, you need a gunslinger. Her official title would be Shoot Them Motherfuckas Dead.
Moral Support: Snoop from Martha and Snoop’s Potluck Dinner
Honestly, I just need a Black friend to smoke with and talk about how crazy these white folks is. I just need someone by my side who is going to be able to get all my Black references.
Like when I say that zombie over there looks like Felicia, Imma need someone to know Felicia was a crackhead because Imma “bye Felicia” every zombie I take out. But mostly having Snoop call me Nephew is on my bucket list and if there are zombies I’m probably not going to last long because my idea of cardio is twerking to Rihanna (Dear Sweet Black Baby Jesus get Rihanna on a reality TV show so I can draft her). Aaaaaaaand Snoop Might come with a pairing of Martha Stewart. His official title would be Uncle Snoop.
Entertainment:Tiffany New York Pollard from Flavor of Love and I Love New York
Because I am a messy bitch that lives for drama and every survival group needs a loveable (see crazy as fuck) useless friend we all have to keep saving.
Plus I am sure I can outrun her chain smoking binge drinking ass when it comes down to it… aaaaand most importantly she will always be ready to put the white folks in check with no hesitation. Her official title would be HBIC though she’d be in charge of absolutely nothing because I want to live.
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I think before we get into any of this I should say I have no intention or desire to live in any post-apocalyptic world. White folks are bat shit crazy now and we technically live in a civilized society in one of the most powerful and progressive nations in the world. I also think white folks don’t know what most of those words mean but love to use em, but that’s a story for another platform.
In my ideal scenario, I break into some celebrity’s house and off myself while floating in their pool in a fur of an animal I can’t spell. BUT, if I was required to go all Woody Harrelson on a motherfucking undead ass motherfucka with my hand picked team of reality TV show stars (because apparently I was set up to be a Wayans brothers film without the racism), these are the people I would choose.
Team Lead/Mastermind: Bear “Motherfucking” Grylls from Man vs. Wild
Like, if there was a draft pick for survival teams and anyone passed up Bear, they’d deserve to be eaten while taking a dump in a Marathon bathroom. Hell yeah I’ll take the white man that maroons himself for fun in dangerous places for my entertainment and education.
Bear gone have us set up with fire, clean water (or distilled piss) and shelter before I even finish looting all the stores that wouldn’t let my Black ass in a few weeks prior. I don’t care what this white man says short of calling me a n**** or Nubian princess, I am fucking doing it. I hate when you’re watching a movie and the soon to be dead person starts questioning the expert. I write my feelings for a living, so when he says jump, Imma jump and not get bit. But also, I grew up poor so I’ll trip his ass with the swiftness if it ever came down to me and him and never, ever look back. His official title would be Do Whatever the White Man says.
Cook: Anthony Bourdain from No Reservations and Parts Unknown
Bear will be able to identify all the shits that’s not going to make me poop myself or die and Bourdain’s ass has made a career eating the delicacies and terrors of the globe… and I’m a fattie who would rather not eat surprise “what’s in this can I scavenged, damn it, it’s beans again” every night. That’s just not the move.
Nature got plenty of gifts, I just don’t know what to do with them. There are plenty more reality TV chefs I’d rather hang with but Bourdain intentionally travels the globe eating lesser known foods and we never know where our mission will take us. He also seems the least high maintenance, like if I give him a hunting knife, a camp stove, and a squirrel, he’ll make me a lovely perfectly seasoned amuse bouche to devour in between shooting shit and running for my life. His official title would be Shut Up & Eat
Weapons Expert: Paige Wyatt from American Guns
Paige looks like she’ll call me girlfriend and try and ask me to teach her how to twerk, all of which will get her cussed out and educated.
But none of that matters because my new white friend also has been shooting shit since her Barbie days. As far as I can tell from the extensive research I’ve done via Hollywood, you need a gunslinger. Her official title would be Shoot Them Motherfuckas Dead.
Moral Support: Snoop from Martha and Snoop’s Potluck Dinner
Honestly, I just need a Black friend to smoke with and talk about how crazy these white folks is. I just need someone by my side who is going to be able to get all my Black references.
Like when I say that zombie over there looks like Felicia, Imma need someone to know Felicia was a crackhead because Imma “bye Felicia” every zombie I take out. But mostly having Snoop call me Nephew is on my bucket list and if there are zombies I’m probably not going to last long because my idea of cardio is twerking to Rihanna (Dear Sweet Black Baby Jesus get Rihanna on a reality TV show so I can draft her). Aaaaaaaand Snoop Might come with a pairing of Martha Stewart. His official title would be Uncle Snoop.
Entertainment:Tiffany New York Pollard from Flavor of Love and I Love New York
Because I am a messy bitch that lives for drama and every survival group needs a loveable (see crazy as fuck) useless friend we all have to keep saving.
Plus I am sure I can outrun her chain smoking binge drinking ass when it comes down to it… aaaaand most importantly she will always be ready to put the white folks in check with no hesitation. Her official title would be HBIC though she’d be in charge of absolutely nothing because I want to live.
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Celebrities, business luminaries, and artists gathered on July 15 at the Art For Life benefit, one of the hottest Hamptons parties of the summer. But besides enjoying the luxury of fine dining, live entertainment, an array of art on display, attendees raised over $1.1 million for an art education initiative founded by brothers Russell, Danny, and Joseph “Rev Run” Simmons.
Art For Life Honoree Chuck D. and Russell Simmons (Photo Credit: Jason Kempin/Getty Images Courtesy of Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation)
Their organization, Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation (RPAF), was launched in 1995 to provide children of color with access and exposure to the arts while helping to develop and support underrepresented artists, curators, and audiences. To fund the org, proceeds from Art For Life benefit RPAF’s arts education and gallery programs, which have directly served tens of thousands of at-risk youth for the last two decades. This year, the benefit, “Midnight at the Oasis,” was held at Fairview Farms in Bridgehampton, New York, and sponsored by Merrill Lynch, UBER, and Coty Inc. Renowned journalist Soledad O’Brien returned to host the gala, which welcomed stars like Star Jones, Super Bowl champion Darrelle Revis, artist Elle Varner, and legendary music executive Kevin Liles.
While on the red carpet, Black Enterprise spoke to the 2017 Art For Life honorees, including former President, Consumer Beauty Division for Coty Inc. Esi Eggleston Bracey; legendary hip-hop artist Chuck D; Chief Brand Officer for Uber Bozoma Saint John; former President of Programming for BET Stephen G. Hill; and 2017 featured artist, Sanford Biggers.
“It’s a dream come true. I’ve been coming to this event for a long time and now to be honored amongst such great artists, I’m so excited about that,” Saint John told BE, before mentioning her recent move from Apple to Uber.
Hill, who announced a surprising departure from BET in March, spoke about how the power of art unites cultures and stimulates innovation.
With the growing demand for STEM jobs, O’Brien lamented that funding for art programs “are often one of the very first things that get cut” from schools. She added her thoughts on the huge impact RPAF has made in the lives of disenfranchised children through scholarships and its signature programs in New York City schools.
BE also spoke to Tony, Grammy, and Emmy Award-winning artist Cynthia Erivo, who delivered a stellar performance at the benefit.
“Art is a wonderful way of teaching,” she said. “Whenever a child is able to access art, it opens up another side of them, and I think that’s important to share. The more ways that we can get kids to learn, the better.”
During the dinner, Russell Simmons took the stage and joked about the all-vegan menu created by Great Performances Chef De Cuisine Mark Russell, urging guests to keep an open mind. He also stressed how vital art is to student achievement and our overall well-being.
“When kids struggle, there’s nothing greater than exercising creative muscles,” said Simmons. “The creative process is how we move from step to step in life. Beyond the political landscape that we find ourselves in, the political landscape before that or even before that, we’re here to do the work for our kids. You guys have helped us do that for 22 years.”
Later, the media mogul hosted a live auction that raised an impressive $150,000 in less than 10 minutes. However, Chuck D stole the night with a surprising performance of the 1989 classic hip-hop hit “Fight The Power.”
Following the dinner and performances, Danny Simmons talked to BE about the immense impact that Art For Life has had on inner-city kids.
“We have been able to reach thousands of children through the New York City School System, we put kids in college, [and] we have kids who been through college that come back and teach other kids,” he said, adding that they plan to expand the programs outside of New York and Philadelphia. “We want to make this national because we know it works.”
Jaleel Wilson, a 19-year-old freshman at LaGuardia Community College in New York, is just one of the students who benefited from RPAF. He told BE that the Art For Life scholarship he received last year has helped him financially and pushed him closer to his aspiration to launch his own art organization.
“It’s helped me with college so that I don’t have to come out of my pocket and spend money for college. So I appreciate them very, very much for that.”
Likewise, Ardelia Lovelace, a 19-year-old student at the Fashion Institute of Technology, said being awarded a full scholarship through the Rush Arts has relieved her of an immense financial burden. No longer am I “worrying about how am I going to pay for college,” instead, the scholarship “allowed me to put that money and focus onto other things instead of stressing about if I’m in debt and how much I owe.”
She added, “Art is such an amazing part of life and I feel like a lot of people aren’t able to experience that.”