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Ah women; we always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. And, since we choose girlfriends based on who will be honest with us, tell it like it is and help us be our best selves, it’s only natural that we want boyfriends who do the same. But it’s that mentality that enables us to brush off some pretty awful things a partner can say. Remember that someone who loves you chooses what he says to you based on the goal of always making you feel loved, supported, encouraged, inspired, accepted and brave. So, if your boyfriend says something hurtful, you can’t write it off as him just being honest. A man who really loves you will find a way to send every message in the most loving, tender, sweetest package possible. Here are things a man who loves you will never say to you.

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Maybe you should quit

A man who loves you would never tell you that you should quit anything—from career to fitness to personal growth goals. If you’re overwhelmed, he may suggest you take a little break and refresh, and he would help you do that.

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You should be more like…

When a man really, truly loves you he doesn’t want you to change a damn thing about yourself or be like anybody else. When a man loves you, he usually wishes everybody else were more like you.

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It’s your family or me

To love someone means to want them to be happy, to hope that their life is free of drama, and to want them to be surrounded by love. Suggesting you’d have to ditch your ties with your family doesn’t fit into any of that. A man who loves you will hang out with your family, even if he doesn’t like them, and encourage you to keep those relationships alive.

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It’s your job or me

Again, when someone loves you, they want you to have everything you love in your life. They want you to feel empowered and well rounded, and would never insist on being your whole world.

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You’re bad at this sex thing

Oh no he didn’t. When a man is madly in love with you, he thinks you’re great at everything you do in bed—even if you’re not technically great at it. Why? Because when he gets to be close with you, this wonderful, warm feeling washes over him that overpowers any technical sex stuff.

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You’ve gained weight

While it may be difficult for a man to see his partner gain a significant amount of weight if a man really loves you, he would find a way to approach the topic without ever making you feel insecure, or that he’s less attracted to you.

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You’re being clingy

Even if you are having a particularly needy day, a man who loves you wouldn’t say that to you! He knows everybody has days like that—he would think it was cute that you were leaning on him so much and he would lovingly and delicately tell you he just needed a little room to do his thing.

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Do I have to go?

Your partner isn’t going to want to go to everything you invite him to. But when a man loves you, he says something more along the lines of, “If it’s important to you, of course, I’ll be there. But I’m honestly really exhausted, and if it’s not a big deal to you, maybe I can sit this one out?”

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Not this again

So maybe you vent about your mom or your coworker a lot. A man who loves you would never say, “Not this again.” He’d find a way to take your mind off the matter.

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Do you have to laugh/chew/dance that way?

When someone loves you, they don’t see your quirks as flaws—they see them as quirks! They love the way you make a little noise when you chew or snort when you laugh, or dance like you’re in an aerobics class.

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Fine but you owe me

If you ask your boo to take the dog out for you, pick up your prescription on the way home or drop something in the mailbox for you, he shouldn’t say, “Fine but you owe me.” True love is not about keeping score.

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My ex didn’t do things like that

When a man finds that special someone, everybody else from his past just melts away. He doesn’t compare girlfriends anymore; you’re the one, and the others were not. Plain and simple.

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You blew it with my parents

Maybe you did blow it with his parents, but a man who loves you won’t tell you that. He wouldn’t want to instill insecurity in you—he’d find subtle ways to suggest ways you could win his parent’s favor.

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You should pay your part

Your boyfriend doesn’t have to pay for everything for you, but if he needs to keep a budget, he should just say that. A man who loves you would say something like, “I wish I could treat you all the time, but I need to save money right now. Is it cool if we split this?”

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You should have more realistic goals

When a man loves you, he thinks you’re capable of anything. He sees greatness in everything you do. He has possibly unrealistic ideas of what you can achieve because you’re just so impressive to him.

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