http://blacknerdproblems.com/counterpart-episode-8/

Season: 1 / Episode: 8 / Starz

***Spoilers be quoting Slim Charles and saying, “If it’s a lie, then we fight on that lie.” Previous COUNTERPART recaps are here***

Maaaan, listen. We start this shit off with a flashback of sorts, or more so, a “meanwhile back in Episode 6” type shit. When Pope called and asked if this was the dry cleaners that shit was something serious, yo. They at the Indigo School in full alert going Fahrenheit 451. They out here burning everything gotdamn thing, yo. The prime crew in the woods get discovered in the middle of the purge and they all go inside. They got a whole satchel of cyanide pills, yo.

But it ain’t the quiet goodnight just yet. These muthafuckas got the Punisher’s weapon locker and they going to war over this shit, fam. Bodies hitting the floor outside, documents getting flamed on the inside. This shit is all the way real, man. Your boy Shaw took one to the shoulder, but fuck it. He spit that bullet out and still killed a dude cuz there’s more work to be done.

Meanwhile, this ol “down with the ship” heifer done packed her shit up and leaving out the back while ayebody else getting sprayed the fuck up. Dude tries to call her out on it, but he like, fuck it, I’d rather live too, I guess.

Howard walking the scene and checking this carnage. Shit is fucking crazy. Shaw and Emily Prime aka EPMD talking about this place and not knowing what the fuck they lookin’ at. EPMD brings Shaw into the classroom and she shows him the timeline they were creating, how they were comparing the two worlds and schooling the youth and shit.

Howard finds the, ahem, operating room. He fucking mortified cuz they done fed the kiddies cyanide pills, man. Gotdamn this shit is the worst.

Interdimensional In-Laws, Am I Right?

Speaking of the worst, Howard in Black aka HIB hears a phone ringing in the house. He picks that shit up and it’s his… mother-in-law. I guess. She calling cuz she done made it to Berlin. She in Emily Coma’s hospital room cuz Emily is no longer… in a coma.

So… that’s awkward.

Not nearly as awkward as this shit that must be going on in the Quayle residence. St. Pete trying to get the baby to stop crying cuz Snake Ass Clare is handcuffed to a radiator in the bathroom.

HIB gets to the hospital and Charlotte there to tell him that E Coma might not understand anything. She awake but she ain’t responded to shit.

Innocence Lost, or at Least Innocence Got Mercy Ruled

Baldwin sleeping that comfortable ass sleep, like he doesn’t have a bounty on his head/isn’t a world jumping assassin or anything. Greta trying to get Baldwin to open up, stay for breakfast, apply to the local community college, something. But she asking too many questions, yo. Baldwin like, yeah… it’s been good, but I gotta go.

At the hollowed out remains of the Indigo School, they still going through the shit left behind, and EPMD convinces Shaw not to call this shit in. She still a little gun shy cuz last time she went through official channels, they tried to give her that rockstart at age 27 treatment. They got their suspicions that Pope is behind this shit, but they trying to get their ducks in a row first.

EPMD tries to see if Howard is fine but that muthafucka ain’t fine. Problem is, Howard can’t be cracking now cuz he supposed to be HIB and Shaw watching this shit like a hawk. They discover what this shit really is, a replacement school for terrorist cells. Fun. Shaw asks Howard check with his people in customs to see if any of these cats have crossed over recently. EPMD volunteers to go with him. Shaw is like, the fuck for? But she throws him off by mentioning that dude from the interrogation was the only one that knew they were coming. For what its worth, EPMD seems to be one of the few people that are pretty damn good at their job.

Everybody is a Prisoner of Someone’s

SAC still chained up like the mom from Unbreakable. The baby still crying. St. Pete still questioning her and she comes clean about everything… except the part about her strangling the fucking life out of MHOBC. Extracted. Uh-huh. St. Pete finally lets SAC feed Borrowed Name Spencer, tears falling like this whole fucking façade.

At the hospital, HIB is getting briefed on E-Coma’s condition. Charlotte gonna step in talking about whatever care is best for her, we’ll do it, after she got done playing Cookie crush on her phone or some shit. HIB ain’t havin’ it. She knows Charlotte ain’t shit. Her whole family ain’t shit. But she is here to stay now so I can’t wait till Howard gets back and sees this shit. Or till HIB sees what the hell is going on at the Quayle Household. Everybody in for surprise parties, fam.

EPMD and Howard leaving the house and Howard still shook. EPMD tells him that they need to get in touch with HIB because that’s the only person she can trust. But HIB or someone that looks exactly like him got a better standing in the office so this might be on him.

SAC and St. Pete talkin’ this shit out and how this is an act of war. SAC drops that this shit is payback for the flu epidemic. St. Pete goes to turn her in, but she start talkin’ that shit to him. Saying he gonna be just as fucked when this shit goes down as she will. Also, Spencer got that Prime DNA in her so she bout to be a lab rat like a muthafucka.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Murders

Baldwin scoping shit out and sees one of the targets doing some shopping. Your boy was legit just enjoying his muthafuckin day, bringing home some Trader Joes in whatever hipster part of Berlin when she put the garot to him. Fucking self-tightening shit. She for real went riding her bike with no hands on your boys assassination. Colllllllddddd-blooodddded.

Howard doing his HIB impression at customs and confirms these children of the corn muthafuckas crossed over.

Aldrich just drops by to holla at St. Pete. This shit look all the way bad, man. He offers your boy soup, which is a great plan cuz he watching St. Pete’s hand trembling like a muthafucka. HOW IS THIS DUDE A SPY? I know I’ve told y’all before, when a muthafucka rolls up on you and tells an unsolicited analogy that just so happens to coincide with whatever shit you are secretly going through, DON’T LET THEM FINISH. Get the fuck out, man. But nah, St. Pete too shook so he just listens to Aldrich demonstrate how cold he is for the cause. He tells St. Pete he’s leaving dudes outside the house, but he’s letting him come in on his own terms. I say gotdamn.

EPMD catches Raash walking his dog, as he is wont to do. She tells him that needs to get HIB a message. And oh yeah, I know the Howard muthafucka currently here ain’t HIB, FYI. On both sides, EPMD and HIB trying to arrange an interface that night to relay information.

Title FIIIIIIGHT

Howard walking into interface and this is actually some shit he knows how to do. And just like that, HIB and Howard seeing each other again. Bruh. This might be the best scene of the series. This shit just confirmed that JK Simmons is winning the Golden Globe next year, yo. No. Fucking. Contest.

Howard is going the fuck off. HIB is smug as all hell. And HIB lies about E-Coma waking up. But he does tell Howard that she was fucking Andrei. Man, he cut Howard to the gotdamn bone. And… Howard knew all along that E-Coma was not only cheating but also a spy. He just suppressed that shit. Jesus, man. This shit went from bad to fucking sad to Howard resolving that shit and making HIB look smaller than how he came in. Jesus, Simmons is Da Gawd.

The ability to love someone, is the only thing that separates me, from you.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK

Man, both Howards walk out there all kinds of fucked up.

So I think I Gotta Drop Saint from St. Pete

Late night at Greta’s, and Baldwin comes back up in the spot. Um… breaks into the spot actually. Cuz that’s how you tell someone you miss them. Breaking and entering. Greta gotta be like… so maybe you I don’t pick up scarface drifters in my coffee shop anymore.

St. Pete waiting at the Hotel Walcot. Aldrich is there on schedule. St. Pete confesses that he’s been manipulated but he ain’t the mole itself. And then… he lays that shit on Howard Silk.

What in all fucks, man? There was literally one good way to do this shit and this muthafucka chose one of the other 8 billion. Ok… ok, that’s cool. But St. Pete gotta die too when this shit is done. No debating, he gots to go. First you were an idiot, but now you a fuckin’ snake like Snake Ass Clare.

Ugh… as if the Howards didn’t have enough shit to deal with. I think it’s fair to say things are as bad as they’ve ever been.

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