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It’s been 30 years of Teen Witch, a film so terribly and unironically campy it has only gained in cult status over the years.
“You will receive these powers on your sixteenth birthday,” Madame Serena (Zelda Rubinstein) intones to Louise Miller (Robyn Lively) during a psychic reading where dorky Louise finds out that it’s her destiny to be a real-life witch. At first, Louise dismisses Madame Serena as a crackpot and thinks nothing of it. That is, until after her birthday and the strange things that Serena predicted start happening. Including finding a magical amulet that boosts her new powers. Louise discovers that she can suddenly control people with just her wishes and words, and finds herself back at Madame Serena’s to learn more about this new gift.
After Randa (Lisa Fuller), the most popular girl at school, sabotages Louise’s birthday party with a party of her own, Louise decides her first attempt at casting will be revenge on her classmate bullies. A truth spell may not sound like much, but when wielded against the most popular girl and her minions it becomes powerful indeed, undermining Randa’s position as Queen Bee.
It’s not just the popular kids who bully Louise, it’s also her teachers. Because she skipped a grade, her sadistic English teacher Mr. Weaver (Shelley Berman) torments her publicly in class and on the regular. After one particularly heinous bout of verbal lashing in which he showed the class the entire contents of Louise’s purse — including mocking her birth control pills — Louise casts once again for revenge. She makes a representative doll of Mr. Weaver and puppeteers him into an unwilling striptease in class. And then some.
But really, what Louise wants is not just to date the hunky captain of the football team Brad Powell (Dan Gauthier), but also to be the most popular girl. At school, and in the world. With her literal soul-sister Madame Serena’s help, Louise casts the mother of all spells and gets her wishes. Both of them. As Louise solidifies her status as the most popular girl with the affection of dreamboat Brad, she begins to have second thoughts. Are all these people actually liking her for her even in spite of her spells? Or is it all just a lie? For young wannabe witches like me in 1989, Teen Witch was a positive gateway drug into the craft. At the same time, Louise’s regrets made me actively think twice before wishing for huge things that seemed out of my grasp, including power. Even 30 years later these considerations continue to resonate with me.
“What’s the matter? Glass slipper doesn’t fit?” Louise’s dad (played by Bewitched alum Dick Sargent) asks her as she considers the actual consequences of the kind of life she wanted and now has.
While Teen Witch is firmly a comedy, it tackles many of the issues we see in coming-of-age-horror movies. A young character’s body changes through puberty and their transformation is often complicated and monstrous. If Louise got sorted into a Harry Potter house she would go straight into Slytherin. She’s messy, shrewd, and has a deep cruel streak that magic only compounds. She abandons her best friend Polly (Amanda Ingber) the moment she metamorphoses into Ms. Popular. Louise makes what seems to be a benevolent move in helping her favorite teacher Miss Malloy (Marcia Wallace) win the lottery, but really she did this so that Miss Malloy would put her in charge of the school play. The school play that bodacious Brad happens to be starring in. This is aside from the intricate and manipulative spell that she cast on her entire town to make them love and worship her. All of this is presented through comedy, and song and dance, but the sinister undertones are obvious.
But arguably my favorite thing about Teen Witch after all these years, besides Polly and Rhett’s (Noah Blake) absurd rap battle between who is better at cultural appropriation, is how multilayered the main female characters really are. Both Louise and Madame Serena embody the entire Judeo-Christian trifecta of Virgin, Whore, and Crone. They both appear and behave in a childlike manner, yet their sexual appetites are healthy for women of both their ages. And of course, seeing that they are both witches closes out their character development.
Taking these archetypes into Jungian territory, both Louise and Madame Serena embody 10 of Jung’s 12 archetypes. We can see The Ruler, Creator/Artist, Sage, Innocent, Explorer, Rebel, Hero, Wizard, Lover, and Caregiver as they take turns stepping forward in Serena and Louise’s journeys, both separately and together. And the remaining two, The Jester and Everyman, are salt and peppered through the rest of the film in other characters such as Louise’s bug of a little brother Richie (Joshua Miller), Mr. Weaver, Rhett, Louise’s dad, and even Louise’s terrible date David (Jared Chandler). It’s really fun to watch Teen Witch as these various archetypes pop up one by one and around again as the story unfolds.
This isn’t to say that Teen Witch is not without some problems, though. The plot holes are strangely gaping. Like, what happened to David after Louise made him disappear? Why was the tub already filled with water after Louise accidentally turns Richie into a dog? Why are the play auditions, unlike any play auditions that have ever taken place, including announcing casting on the spot? How does everyone know the steps to the dance at the end? Oh, 80s movies and your sexy, sexy saxophones. Y’all were a singular kind of beast.
I also couldn’t help but be disturbed by the performative heterosexuality in the popular girls’ new cheerleading song, “I Like Boys”, sung by girls to other girls in their own locker room. Methinks the ladies doth protest too much. And it’s irkworthy how Louise goes to all this trouble, and the last of Serena’s powers to boot, for a spell she then debates undoing. Privileged much, Lil’ Miss Teen Witch? But still, I can’t help but love this film.
Teen Witch continues to be a fun journey through archetypes and the 80s camp that’s singular to romantic comedies of that era. It’s also a powerful reminder that being ourselves and accepting who we are can be a powerful magic of its own. “The real magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen,” Madame Serena says to Louise as she considers reversing her enormous spell.
Louise’s dad’s advice is also evergreen: “…It doesn’t really matter how other people see you. It’s how you see yourself.” The message of using our personal power to be the best version of ourselves is vital. So is accepting who we are after we make huge personal transformations. Teen Witch also complicates what feels like straightforward notions of love and happiness and the lengths people go to in order to get them. In these regards, as dated as Teen Witch may be, its core lessons remain timeless. Top that.
The post On its 30th Birthday ‘Teen Witch’ Remains a Fun Journey Through Archetypes. Top that. appeared first on Black Girl Nerds.
It’s been 30 years of Teen Witch, a film so terribly and unironically campy it has only gained in cult status over the years.
“You will receive these powers on your sixteenth birthday,” Madame Serena (Zelda Rubinstein) intones to Louise Miller (Robyn Lively) during a psychic reading where dorky Louise finds out that it’s her destiny to be a real-life witch. At first, Louise dismisses Madame Serena as a crackpot and thinks nothing of it. That is, until after her birthday and the strange things that Serena predicted start happening. Including finding a magical amulet that boosts her new powers. Louise discovers that she can suddenly control people with just her wishes and words, and finds herself back at Madame Serena’s to learn more about this new gift.
After Randa (Lisa Fuller), the most popular girl at school, sabotages Louise’s birthday party with a party of her own, Louise decides her first attempt at casting will be revenge on her classmate bullies. A truth spell may not sound like much, but when wielded against the most popular girl and her minions it becomes powerful indeed, undermining Randa’s position as Queen Bee.
It’s not just the popular kids who bully Louise, it’s also her teachers. Because she skipped a grade, her sadistic English teacher Mr. Weaver (Shelley Berman) torments her publicly in class and on the regular. After one particularly heinous bout of verbal lashing in which he showed the class the entire contents of Louise’s purse — including mocking her birth control pills — Louise casts once again for revenge. She makes a representative doll of Mr. Weaver and puppeteers him into an unwilling striptease in class. And then some.
But really, what Louise wants is not just to date the hunky captain of the football team Brad Powell (Dan Gauthier), but also to be the most popular girl. At school, and in the world. With her literal soul-sister Madame Serena’s help, Louise casts the mother of all spells and gets her wishes. Both of them. As Louise solidifies her status as the most popular girl with the affection of dreamboat Brad, she begins to have second thoughts. Are all these people actually liking her for her even in spite of her spells? Or is it all just a lie? For young wannabe witches like me in 1989, Teen Witch was a positive gateway drug into the craft. At the same time, Louise’s regrets made me actively think twice before wishing for huge things that seemed out of my grasp, including power. Even 30 years later these considerations continue to resonate with me.
“What’s the matter? Glass slipper doesn’t fit?” Louise’s dad (played by Bewitched alum Dick Sargent) asks her as she considers the actual consequences of the kind of life she wanted and now has.
While Teen Witch is firmly a comedy, it tackles many of the issues we see in coming-of-age-horror movies. A young character’s body changes through puberty and their transformation is often complicated and monstrous. If Louise got sorted into a Harry Potter house she would go straight into Slytherin. She’s messy, shrewd, and has a deep cruel streak that magic only compounds. She abandons her best friend Polly (Amanda Ingber) the moment she metamorphoses into Ms. Popular. Louise makes what seems to be a benevolent move in helping her favorite teacher Miss Malloy (Marcia Wallace) win the lottery, but really she did this so that Miss Malloy would put her in charge of the school play. The school play that bodacious Brad happens to be starring in. This is aside from the intricate and manipulative spell that she cast on her entire town to make them love and worship her. All of this is presented through comedy, and song and dance, but the sinister undertones are obvious.
But arguably my favorite thing about Teen Witch after all these years, besides Polly and Rhett’s (Noah Blake) absurd rap battle between who is better at cultural appropriation, is how multilayered the main female characters really are. Both Louise and Madame Serena embody the entire Judeo-Christian trifecta of Virgin, Whore, and Crone. They both appear and behave in a childlike manner, yet their sexual appetites are healthy for women of both their ages. And of course, seeing that they are both witches closes out their character development.
Taking these archetypes into Jungian territory, both Louise and Madame Serena embody 10 of Jung’s 12 archetypes. We can see The Ruler, Creator/Artist, Sage, Innocent, Explorer, Rebel, Hero, Wizard, Lover, and Caregiver as they take turns stepping forward in Serena and Louise’s journeys, both separately and together. And the remaining two, The Jester and Everyman, are salt and peppered through the rest of the film in other characters such as Louise’s bug of a little brother Richie (Joshua Miller), Mr. Weaver, Rhett, Louise’s dad, and even Louise’s terrible date David (Jared Chandler). It’s really fun to watch Teen Witch as these various archetypes pop up one by one and around again as the story unfolds.
This isn’t to say that Teen Witch is not without some problems, though. The plot holes are strangely gaping. Like, what happened to David after Louise made him disappear? Why was the tub already filled with water after Louise accidentally turns Richie into a dog? Why are the play auditions, unlike any play auditions that have ever taken place, including announcing casting on the spot? How does everyone know the steps to the dance at the end? Oh, 80s movies and your sexy, sexy saxophones. Y’all were a singular kind of beast.
I also couldn’t help but be disturbed by the performative heterosexuality in the popular girls’ new cheerleading song, “I Like Boys”, sung by girls to other girls in their own locker room. Methinks the ladies doth protest too much. And it’s irkworthy how Louise goes to all this trouble, and the last of Serena’s powers to boot, for a spell she then debates undoing. Privileged much, Lil’ Miss Teen Witch? But still, I can’t help but love this film.
Teen Witch continues to be a fun journey through archetypes and the 80s camp that’s singular to romantic comedies of that era. It’s also a powerful reminder that being ourselves and accepting who we are can be a powerful magic of its own. “The real magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen,” Madame Serena says to Louise as she considers reversing her enormous spell.
Louise’s dad’s advice is also evergreen: “…It doesn’t really matter how other people see you. It’s how you see yourself.” The message of using our personal power to be the best version of ourselves is vital. So is accepting who we are after we make huge personal transformations. Teen Witch also complicates what feels like straightforward notions of love and happiness and the lengths people go to in order to get them. In these regards, as dated as Teen Witch may be, its core lessons remain timeless. Top that.
The post On its 30th Birthday ‘Teen Witch’ Remains a Fun Journey Through Archetypes. Top that. appeared first on Black Girl Nerds.
We Have Always Lived in the Castle is the frightening tale of the Blackwood family, who inhabit that eponymous castle. When we meet them, they are secluded from townsfolk and lost to the past and the views of their father. Problems arise, however, when cousin Charles Blackwood (Sebastian Stan) comes to town and wants to change their way of life.
Based on the 1962 novel by Shirley Jackson and directed by Stacie Passon, We Have Always Lived in the Castle is considered a “mystery-thriller,” never quite crossing the line into full-blown horror. Merricat Blackwood (Taissa Farmiga) wants only to protect her older, more naive sister, Constance (Alexandra Daddario), at whatever cost. Whether that be by going into the town that despises them so Constance doesn’t have to, or adopting the ideas of witchcraft to protect them both, Merricat is weighed down by intense anxieties and doesn’t have anyone to help her; five years ago, the young women were orphaned after their parents’ mysterious death by poisoning.
With just their ailing Uncle Julian (Crispin Glover) at the secluded estate with them, both the women could live their lives without being questioned. That is, until, cousin Charles arrives with his eye on the family’s fortune.
I found myself agreeing with Charles’s perspective sometimes, which is maybe a fault of mine. Sure, he’s greedy and wants to be a part of the family for the money, but he has a point in that Merricat is wasting their assets by obsessively burying them in the yard, and Charles has rightful concerns about her not being able to find their belongings. Because he is a threat to their strange way of life, Charles soon finds himself attacked and a villain inside the home. To be fair to all parties, I understand where they are all coming from, but it’s new for me to feel more sympathy with the seeming interloper than with the protagonist.
This is a movie filled with strange characters, set in a town possessed by rage that doesn’t make that much sense against the Blackwood family. They have a family history in the town and the people there don’t like them for their money, but that intense villager hatred seems to be more deeply rooted in something we never see. This is an area that could be better developed. Still, that hatred runs throughout the entire movie and certainly makes life “interesting” for both Merricat and Constance. Much more richly drawn is that all-too-atmospheric castle, a credit to Jackson’s mind, Passon’s vision, and her team’s execution.
At its heart, the most frightening parts of this movie are elements that are as everyday today as they are gothic: abuse, repression, greed, family secrets, and innate misunderstanding of who people really are.
We Have Always Lived In The Castle is visually stunning, a fresh look at the Shirley Jackson story, and has a slow-building dread that will stay with you. It’s spooky, but not savagely scary. Also Sebastian Stan shirtless in a bathtub? Yes, please!
(image: Brainstorm Media)
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Long ago, gigantic reptiles roamed the Earth and ate each other. Fortunately, all that’s left are fossils and these adorable dinosaur baby clothes. We’ve done our best to feature dino onesies for everyone. Whether you love science, 90’s fashion, scaly cuteness, or pop culture this selection of rompers will empty your bank account faster than you can say,
Micropachycephalosaurus.
Raawr! That’s the sound that your baby will make – and you for that matter – at 3 in the morning. Feeding time, little dinosaur. This onesie is the perfect baby shower gift.
Babysaurus Jurassic Park Onesie
Hold onto your butts! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. It’ll be worth it, though. Thankfully your baby will never grow teeth that are 9 inches long. THEN we’d be in trouble.
Brontosaurus Romper with Headband
If you like boho style baby clothes, this romper is it. Between the dangling pom poms, tiny headband and happy dinos, how can you say no?
Having a baby is definitely a commitment, but having a dinosaur as a pet might trump that. That’d be quite the long leash. Wouldn’t the dinosaur be walking your baby?
We love these little pastel hatchlings! Did you know that dinosaur eggs were thought to be 20 times heavier than chicken eggs?
This one is perfect for the summer. The white background is bright and the miscellaneous dinosaurs are playful! Oh, and it has a zipper instead of snaps. How neat is that?
Besides it’s clever play on words, this onesie promotes normalizing breastfeeding. Nom nom nom.
Reading to your baby builds listening, memory and vocabulary skills and is a great way to bond. When they’re older, you can read the long dinosaur names to them in silly voices and broaden their vocabulary even further.
We thought this design was incredibly clever…and delicious. T-Rex could bite off 500 pounds in one bite! How many tacos would that be? This onesie comes in a variety of colors.
Your baby is like T-Rex in more ways than one. Eating all the time, terrorizing the world that they live in, and limited by short, stubby arms. If you gave them a reacher grabber, who KNOWS what they’d get into?
Remember the Night at the Museum movies? That’s what this onesie reminds me of. Thankfully, your little one isn’t going to roam the halls of the museum at night terrorizing the security guard.
This onesie is rad. Indominus Rex from Jurassic World was a T- Rex hybrid experiment gone horribly wrong. I’ll bet your baby will be just as good at camouflage, wreaking havoc and devouring food.
Re-live your ugly Christmas sweater childhood memories through your baby. They’ll be begging for a dinosaur for Christmas in just a few years. Merry Clawmas!
This simple Stegosaurus onesie has very vibrant colors, is handmade and super soft! This is a good baby shower gift for your favorite science enthusiast.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? To eat the chickens on the other side. This jumpsuit comes with a space-themed onesie as well.
We did feature a hatchling snapsuit above, but this one was too cute not to include. Look at the polka dots on the egg and the broken shell on top of it’s head looks like a little crown. All hail baby T!
This original piece allows your imagination to run wild. Nessie’s vibrant colors and the little adventurer in the boat are the perfect example of the young mind and its creations.
We think this green T-Rex looks super retro on this neon pink backround. Your little one will totally be decked out like a 90’s baby while sporting a terrible lizard on their belly. Don’t worry, there are lots of other colors to choose from!
Meanwhile, in space…dinosaur meetups are occurring. Your baby can wear this onesie while you read them the children’s comic book series Dinosaurs in Space by Pranas T. Naujokaitis. You’ll thank us later.
Dress your baby up like the Queen (or king) of the dinosaurs. This onesie comes in another shade of green as well. Terrifying Tyrannosaurus Toddler.
This is the perfect gift for your expectant friend or family member. Warn them of the chaos that’ll ensue once their little one enters Tokyo.
This onesie doubles as a way to teach your baby about each fossilized dinosaur. When your little one grows older, you can teach them the four different types of fossils: mold, cast, ichnofossils and true form.
C’mon, this is precious. Your baby will be so fly in this king of the dinos snap suit. LMFAO wasn’t talking about babies in their song, but we can make an exception this time.
Psychedelic colors, upside-down dinosaurs and a marbled design. Who wouldn’t want to dress their little one in this dandy one-piece? We wish this came in adult sizes!
This classic Jurassic Park onesie comes in three different colors. We’ll let you decide whether this onesie is about tangling with the orders of nature or if it just means that your baby is indestructible. Your choice.
We love T-Rex, can you tell? This duo is so colorful and menacing, your baby will look bad to the bone in this romper. It’s got long sleeves and comes in 3 different colors.
Talk about a onesie that screams geeky baby! Bright colors, a fun design and a dinosaur wearing reading glasses. Not sure what the star is all about, but it’s cute right?
Straight out of the 90’s, Jim Henson’s Dinosaurs was a must watch TV show for all across America. The spoiled baby symbolized how parents turned a blind eye to kids at the time, thus robbing them of any discipline. If you’ve never seen it, check out a few episodes on Youtube.
No, this T-Rex isn’t emotionally distressed, like you will be at 3am when your little one wants to be fed. We like this one because it looks like an array of constellations makeup the giant lizard’s silhouette.
Did you know that Pterodactyl’s aren’t actually dinosaurs? It’s true! Thankfully, your baby won’t be able to fly around and terrorize all their nursery animals while you’re sleeping.
This Jurassic version of Calvin and Hobbes is really a creative idea. Rather than Calvin and Hobbes, we have Owen and his beloved raptor Blue. It doesn’t get much cuter than this.
You can’t go wrong with a good ‘ole E.T. reference. The play on words that this onesie creates is genius. Your little genius will appreciate it one day as well.
If you’re looking for a snapsuit that is going to give you strange looks in the grocery store, this is the one for you. What’s more interesting than a unicorn riding to the disco on the back of a triceratops? I’ll wait.
These boldly dressed dinos are totally rockin’, dude. Bill and Ted would be proud to dress their baby in this romper. What’s your excuse? The neon colors really make this eye-catching onesie one for the books.
The post Dinosaur Baby Clothes & Onesies appeared first on Geek Baby Clothes.
Writer: Al Ewing / Artist: Joe Bennet / Marvel
The schizophrenic nature of the Hulk has always been an intriguing concept, especially with the cast of colorful personalities that the character has developed over the years. So, not only is it fun to have Joe Fixit make his return in the pages of the Immortal Hulk, but he’s a worthwhile addition to the story that only adds to the grand scale that Al Ewing’s chaotic and amazing run is trying to achieve.
I’m actually surprised that Ewing hasn’t used many of Hulk’s other personalities in previous issues. We saw a brief glimpse of the original Hulk a couple of issues ago but not much of the other personalities that exist within Banner’s broken psyche. Thankfully, that gets briefly explained this issue, and gives the reader some good insight into how much pull Devil Hulk has over the other personas.
The return of Joe Fixit isn’t exactly how you would expect it. As we saw at the end of last issue, Joe appeared but in Banner’s body. This makes for some great moments. Though Hulkless, Joe proves he’s still capable of holding his own without the strength of being the Hulk. I will say that this is definitely Ewing’s most comical issue with Joe’s mobster persona running around in Banner’s frail body.
I swear Ewing and Bennett try to outdo themselves every issue with the evolution of the Hulk. Bennett plays wonderfully with the many ways the Hulk’s body can now morph and transform. This series was just made for him to experiment with that idea. The same can be said for his work with the other characters and villains. I think Agent Burbank’s powerset is one of the more unique ones we’ve seen from a Hulk villain in a while.
By the end of this issue, I’m reminded why the Immortal Hulk is so good. It’s green, it’s grotesque, it’s great. While General Fortean doesn’t really prove to be much more than a General Ross clone, the overall story is a great tale of Bruce Banner’s history, character, and him at his most desperate.
9 Gamma Irradiated Fishtanks out of 10
Reading The Immortal Hulk? Find BNP’s other reviews of the series here.
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The post Immortal Hulk #17 Review appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.