deerstalker
https://blacknerdproblems.com/mario-party-is-a-torture-chamber/
When my partner comes to visit me, we like to engage in Mario Party violence: Good ol’ Birdo vs Donkey Kong action. We talk shit, then pick up the joy-cons and throw hands. But one weekend I stopped and observed that the mini-games are the homies being—tortured? Hold it with me for a second. Mario and his homies are being put in some inhumane situations (even for the sake of their world). In Mario Party, they got capitalistic ghosts, mushrooms that watch you get robbed, and “minigames” that include things that could kill you. Mario Party is not fun and games. It has never been fun and games. We’re playing into violent affairs, and we’re complicit in our remotes.
Let me start off with some of these “minigames.” These ain’t games okay. They’re forcing people (and animals) to do extravagant, possibly life-altering tasks for 10 dollars.
Exhibit A:
Let’s start off with this Pogo-a-Gogo. A game where three characters on a pogo stick fight to stay on a space station as a rival rotates the platform so that you may plummet into intergalactic doom. Okay. So, we see the problem, right? Toad, the host is basically telling you, “For ten bucks, make your homie disintegrate into the milky way.” My questions are: How they even got the pogo sticks up there in the first place? Why aren’t they floating away? And why did they have to choose something so life threatening in the first place?
According to Business Insider: “You could only last 15 seconds without a spacesuit — you’d die of asphyxiation or you’ll freeze.”
And how long is this game you ask?
They all should’ve died four times.
Exhibit B:
Next, let’s go to Bowser’s Blast, which is basically that bomb diffusing scene in Die Hard with a Vengeance, but everyone is Samuel L. Jackson. Bowser’s Blast presents four people in a line, with a huge bomb in the shape of Bowser’s head on a stage. One by one you have to select the lever that doesn’t set off the bomb. Each time someone selects a lever and it doesn’t go off, there’s one less lever for someone to choose; therefore, it increases the odds of you getting blown up. Basically, it’s an erotic dream for a serial killer.
I don’t know what kind of funding Toad got, but someone needs to investigate his budget for weapons of mass destruction. Because there is no reason why you got UNLIMITED Bowser head bombs. Look at them covering their heads as their best friend gets caught in the explosion. Tragic.
Exhibit C:
The last mini game I’m gonna focus on is Hot Rope Jump. It’s jump rope, but the rope is made out of flames. I want you to think about it. Imagine you’re playing double dutch back in the day and one of your homegirls say: “What if we lit this shit on fire?” Everyone was like, “Haha good one Shirley.” But then she insisted, “Nah, we’d look dope!” Everyone disagreed, but she did it anyway. That’s Mario Party Hot Rope Jump in a nutshell. You’re literally jumping to save the hairs on your butt from being singed. And what happens to you if you get caught? Literal smoke is flaming out your anus, and you’re hopping to safety.
Honorable Mention:
1) Cheep Cheep Chase: Four people get thrown into a dungeon pool being forced to swim for their lives avoiding spike balls floating on the water while a huge fish blubs after you to suck off your flesh and bones.
2) Boulder Ball: Three characters run up a steep incline as someone at the top of the hill throws down boulder balls at them.
Next, lets gravitate our attention to the party boards. Here they present you separate “paradises” and “invigorating experiences” to choose from. Ranging from a tropical island to a haunted forest, each is equipped with their own methods of follicle stressors. My main focus is going to be on Space Land. Modeled after a space colony, this board has multiple paths with a counter in the middle to set off a huge laser beam that not only blasts you into the air, but also yeets your entire bank account.
I bet you’re asking, what makes this more of a torture chamber than say Peach’s Birthday Cake where you can grow large piranha plants between the crevices of sweet frosting. Or why not Woody Woods where moles pop out of the ground and mess with the map, so you’re forced to go around in circles in a God forsaken place where mushrooms play soccer with acorns. You’re probably wondering why not Yoshi Island? A paradise where Bowser robs you of 20 bucks then throws a shell at your face disguised as a cake. No, I assure you Space Land is a menace, and here’s why.
THERE’S GHOSTS IN SPACE!
Everywhere else, it makes sense. Yoshi island? You could make an excuse for dead Yoshis. Haunted forest? Of course! You know what Space Land has? Ghosts AND cops! You make a space utopia, and you got homies in hoods and masks stop and frisking you at checkpoints. Sounds familiar, but I digress. Imagine in space and away from earth, you got homies chasing you in cop cars, a countdown waiting to strip you of your entire bank account, and on top of that when you least expect it, some broke dinosaur on the other side of the board plotting to steal your stars. You literally cannot escape the treachery.
My personal experience with Space Land begins with a classic game my partner (Donkey Kong) and me (Birdo, the bougie dinosaur). I knew this game was gonna be something when a huge cinderblock with arms chased me all the way to the other side of the board, which plopped me head first into the laser. What happened next? My partner circled around the counter and had all of my money (100 coins by the way) disappear. To give you retrospect, having 100 coins or more is basically like being the 1%, so imagine that to losing all your money and being broke. It be feeling like everyone laughing at you. Like, “Ah ha! Wasn’t you out here making it rain on Toadette? Now look at you, scraping for three dollars every five steps.” It’s quite embarrassing actually. And the fact that you can’t even pay off the “space cops” (Shy Guys) if you don’t got money. They just ignore you saying, “we got paper work.”
This Whole Board is Disrespectful!
After I got chased to the back of the board and was left with no money, everything was wild. I passed by the bank; they pitied my ass. “We’ll take whatever you have.” I’m sure Koopa is just looking at me and internally saying, “Oh. Brokey McBroke Broke is back. Somebody, get her a dollar.” I landed on the V.S. but didn’t have enough money for the betting pool. Toad started making side remarks about how there’s less money in the pot. Like obviously! You knew what was going on when I got here! Stop embarrassing me in front of the crew. I could sauté him for talking wild like that, but I’m not saying nothing.
But by far, what makes the Mario Party torture chamber worse are the item stores. If someone throwing boulders at you and a ghost coming to rob you isn’t enough, those mini shops set up throughout each board ran by Toad will do it. Toad the mastermind of all things PAIN has diabolical items ranging from things that can make you move faster, or reduce your opponents speed, steal things from them, etc. If you want to hurt someone ,Toad has it. But for the purpose of my own trauma, I’m gonna focus on one:
The “Chomp Call”
The Chomp Call summons three metal balls with TEETH to move Toadette to another star location. This item is inhumane. Not only does it revoke an opponent’s chance to get a star no matter how close they are, but it also puts Toadette at risk. Imagine you just see three wrecking balls with good dental coverage circling around you like sharks. I’d be terrified. This is Toadette’s life. The Chomp Call is probably one of the pettiest items in the game, because the computer specifically waits till you get really close to set it off. Right when you have your hopes and dreams, waited four turns to finally afford a star, then BAM! Somebody whips out their inhumane wrecking ball whistle to redirect the star somewhere else on the board. The places where Toadette falls, can lead the star directly to you or 50 steps away.
The Chomp Call is the Hateration in the Dancery
There’s been plenty of occasions by luck I roll high numbers and think I’m going to hit the star but like frustrating magic, I fall one step before it. I cry. I scream. Then, I see another player has a Chomp Call. They see my joy, pull it out and FWEEEEET! My hopes, my dreams dashed as I am forcibly taken back to the same side of the board I just came from and will take me another five turns to return to the star’s location.
I know we grew up thinking for generations that Mario Party is innocent fun and filled with activities for all ages. But I’m here to tell you that it is absolutely not. Folks get mad at violent shooter games; Mario Party needs that same energy. If you got your friends conspiring against you from 30 steps away, taking your money, making you succumb to money grubbing lasers and throwing boulders at you?! I think you have to rearrange your priorities.
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Instagram!
The post Mario Party is a Torture Chamber appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.
When my partner comes to visit me, we like to engage in Mario Party violence: Good ol’ Birdo vs Donkey Kong action. We talk shit, then pick up the joy-cons and throw hands. But one weekend I stopped and observed that the mini-games are the homies being—tortured? Hold it with me for a second. Mario and his homies are being put in some inhumane situations (even for the sake of their world). In Mario Party, they got capitalistic ghosts, mushrooms that watch you get robbed, and “minigames” that include things that could kill you. Mario Party is not fun and games. It has never been fun and games. We’re playing into violent affairs, and we’re complicit in our remotes.
Let me start off with some of these “minigames.” These ain’t games okay. They’re forcing people (and animals) to do extravagant, possibly life-altering tasks for 10 dollars.
Exhibit A:
Let’s start off with this Pogo-a-Gogo. A game where three characters on a pogo stick fight to stay on a space station as a rival rotates the platform so that you may plummet into intergalactic doom. Okay. So, we see the problem, right? Toad, the host is basically telling you, “For ten bucks, make your homie disintegrate into the milky way.” My questions are: How they even got the pogo sticks up there in the first place? Why aren’t they floating away? And why did they have to choose something so life threatening in the first place?
According to Business Insider: “You could only last 15 seconds without a spacesuit — you’d die of asphyxiation or you’ll freeze.”
And how long is this game you ask?
They all should’ve died four times.
Exhibit B:
Next, let’s go to Bowser’s Blast, which is basically that bomb diffusing scene in Die Hard with a Vengeance, but everyone is Samuel L. Jackson. Bowser’s Blast presents four people in a line, with a huge bomb in the shape of Bowser’s head on a stage. One by one you have to select the lever that doesn’t set off the bomb. Each time someone selects a lever and it doesn’t go off, there’s one less lever for someone to choose; therefore, it increases the odds of you getting blown up. Basically, it’s an erotic dream for a serial killer.
I don’t know what kind of funding Toad got, but someone needs to investigate his budget for weapons of mass destruction. Because there is no reason why you got UNLIMITED Bowser head bombs. Look at them covering their heads as their best friend gets caught in the explosion. Tragic.
Exhibit C:
The last mini game I’m gonna focus on is Hot Rope Jump. It’s jump rope, but the rope is made out of flames. I want you to think about it. Imagine you’re playing double dutch back in the day and one of your homegirls say: “What if we lit this shit on fire?” Everyone was like, “Haha good one Shirley.” But then she insisted, “Nah, we’d look dope!” Everyone disagreed, but she did it anyway. That’s Mario Party Hot Rope Jump in a nutshell. You’re literally jumping to save the hairs on your butt from being singed. And what happens to you if you get caught? Literal smoke is flaming out your anus, and you’re hopping to safety.
Honorable Mention:
1) Cheep Cheep Chase: Four people get thrown into a dungeon pool being forced to swim for their lives avoiding spike balls floating on the water while a huge fish blubs after you to suck off your flesh and bones.
2) Boulder Ball: Three characters run up a steep incline as someone at the top of the hill throws down boulder balls at them.
Next, lets gravitate our attention to the party boards. Here they present you separate “paradises” and “invigorating experiences” to choose from. Ranging from a tropical island to a haunted forest, each is equipped with their own methods of follicle stressors. My main focus is going to be on Space Land. Modeled after a space colony, this board has multiple paths with a counter in the middle to set off a huge laser beam that not only blasts you into the air, but also yeets your entire bank account.
I bet you’re asking, what makes this more of a torture chamber than say Peach’s Birthday Cake where you can grow large piranha plants between the crevices of sweet frosting. Or why not Woody Woods where moles pop out of the ground and mess with the map, so you’re forced to go around in circles in a God forsaken place where mushrooms play soccer with acorns. You’re probably wondering why not Yoshi Island? A paradise where Bowser robs you of 20 bucks then throws a shell at your face disguised as a cake. No, I assure you Space Land is a menace, and here’s why.
THERE’S GHOSTS IN SPACE!
Everywhere else, it makes sense. Yoshi island? You could make an excuse for dead Yoshis. Haunted forest? Of course! You know what Space Land has? Ghosts AND cops! You make a space utopia, and you got homies in hoods and masks stop and frisking you at checkpoints. Sounds familiar, but I digress. Imagine in space and away from earth, you got homies chasing you in cop cars, a countdown waiting to strip you of your entire bank account, and on top of that when you least expect it, some broke dinosaur on the other side of the board plotting to steal your stars. You literally cannot escape the treachery.
My personal experience with Space Land begins with a classic game my partner (Donkey Kong) and me (Birdo, the bougie dinosaur). I knew this game was gonna be something when a huge cinderblock with arms chased me all the way to the other side of the board, which plopped me head first into the laser. What happened next? My partner circled around the counter and had all of my money (100 coins by the way) disappear. To give you retrospect, having 100 coins or more is basically like being the 1%, so imagine that to losing all your money and being broke. It be feeling like everyone laughing at you. Like, “Ah ha! Wasn’t you out here making it rain on Toadette? Now look at you, scraping for three dollars every five steps.” It’s quite embarrassing actually. And the fact that you can’t even pay off the “space cops” (Shy Guys) if you don’t got money. They just ignore you saying, “we got paper work.”
This Whole Board is Disrespectful!
After I got chased to the back of the board and was left with no money, everything was wild. I passed by the bank; they pitied my ass. “We’ll take whatever you have.” I’m sure Koopa is just looking at me and internally saying, “Oh. Brokey McBroke Broke is back. Somebody, get her a dollar.” I landed on the V.S. but didn’t have enough money for the betting pool. Toad started making side remarks about how there’s less money in the pot. Like obviously! You knew what was going on when I got here! Stop embarrassing me in front of the crew. I could sauté him for talking wild like that, but I’m not saying nothing.
But by far, what makes the Mario Party torture chamber worse are the item stores. If someone throwing boulders at you and a ghost coming to rob you isn’t enough, those mini shops set up throughout each board ran by Toad will do it. Toad the mastermind of all things PAIN has diabolical items ranging from things that can make you move faster, or reduce your opponents speed, steal things from them, etc. If you want to hurt someone ,Toad has it. But for the purpose of my own trauma, I’m gonna focus on one:
The “Chomp Call”
The Chomp Call summons three metal balls with TEETH to move Toadette to another star location. This item is inhumane. Not only does it revoke an opponent’s chance to get a star no matter how close they are, but it also puts Toadette at risk. Imagine you just see three wrecking balls with good dental coverage circling around you like sharks. I’d be terrified. This is Toadette’s life. The Chomp Call is probably one of the pettiest items in the game, because the computer specifically waits till you get really close to set it off. Right when you have your hopes and dreams, waited four turns to finally afford a star, then BAM! Somebody whips out their inhumane wrecking ball whistle to redirect the star somewhere else on the board. The places where Toadette falls, can lead the star directly to you or 50 steps away.
The Chomp Call is the Hateration in the Dancery
There’s been plenty of occasions by luck I roll high numbers and think I’m going to hit the star but like frustrating magic, I fall one step before it. I cry. I scream. Then, I see another player has a Chomp Call. They see my joy, pull it out and FWEEEEET! My hopes, my dreams dashed as I am forcibly taken back to the same side of the board I just came from and will take me another five turns to return to the star’s location.
I know we grew up thinking for generations that Mario Party is innocent fun and filled with activities for all ages. But I’m here to tell you that it is absolutely not. Folks get mad at violent shooter games; Mario Party needs that same energy. If you got your friends conspiring against you from 30 steps away, taking your money, making you succumb to money grubbing lasers and throwing boulders at you?! I think you have to rearrange your priorities.
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Instagram!
The post Mario Party is a Torture Chamber appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.
Disney+’s Ms. Marvel has two episodes left and things are heating up. Kamala Khan seeks info on her Djinn heritage and the truth about her great grandmother. Finding comfort in new allies, she’s once again thrown into fire. Iman Vellani must be given all the credit; she really captures both the wide-eyed wonder and the crushing weight of the world coming down on the shoulders of a teenager. Acting aside, there’s another reason why this scene really works, and it’s far more important to the direction Marvel has been going in as of late. It’s because there’s actually very little superheroness in this superhero show. Instead, they’ve focused so much on the character of Kamala Khan that it elevates the story and the show. And with this seemingly being the direction Marvel has chosen to go, will this be the future of the superhero genre as a whole?
The Power of World Building
I want to start out with a dive into the story telling of Ms. Marvel so far. With the very first episode, it felt like the least superhero property that the MCU has put out so far. That sentence on it own would seem like a negative for the genre, but I’m here to tell you, good reader, that it was the smartest move they could make. We’ve been in Earth-199999, according to Vellani, for 10 plus years now. Ten plus years of futuristic technology, gods, magic, and monsters. A whole generation of people grew up with this as common place so of course kids see them more as celebrities than anything. And Kamala Khan is up to her eyeballs in the fandom. She’s got posters in her room of her favorite hero, writes fanfic, and by her world’s standards, is deep on the nerdy side of the spectrum. Hell, in our real life we see how deep fandoms go for fictional characters. So, Kamala wanting to go to a superhero convention seems typical for a person her age.
And just like our world, liking heroes isn’t necessarily a nerdy thing. I’m sure earlier on it was, back when heroes were still rare and not everyone knew Thor’s dating life. But now, everyone knows Thor is a god, magic is real, and aliens live among them. Hell, everyone probably knows it from Scott Lang’s podcast. Heroes aren’t myths, they’re the modern-day celebrities. So, it’s no surprise that it’s not just the outcasts, but the “cool kids” are just as star struck as anyone. Zoe Zimmer, played by Laurel Marsden, is presented as the queen bee of Kamala’s school. Yet she’s into Captain Marvel just as much a Kamala. Just like us, superheroes are the in-thing, and the show not only reflects that, but is allowing Marvel to fill in their world in a way that connects to the audience on a level they haven’t really explored in depth yet.
Character’s First, Powers Second
Ms. Marvel feels like the first Disney+ show to really focus on the “origin” part of the origin story and get it right. We’ve had Hawkeye which was a fine origin story for Kate Bishop but it’s still a Clint Barnes focused story. And with Moon Knight, while we saw his origin, he was well into his hero journey (well half of him was). But Ms. Marvel just hits different. We meet her at the very beginning of her story and has no established character to rely on. Yes, being a huge Captain Marvel fangirl is a large part of her character. But she’s not appearing in the show as far as we know. It all falls upon Kamala’s shoulders and she’s carrying that weight.
And carry that weight she does. Iman Vellani nails the starry eyed unsure of herself nerdy fangirl. She brings a type of youthful fun that flows from Vellani so naturally. On the flip side, the angst, the awkwardness, it is so authentic. So when she struggles to figure out who she is and what she wants to be in life, ON TOP OF figuring out her new powers, I feel that -ish. A lot of us can relate to being completely overwhelmed in our youth, hell a lot of us feel that in our adult life. Creating that relatability makes us more endeared to the character, so when they hurt, we hurt. All this without a lot of action and superpowers. Marvel really doubled down on focusing on the person of Ms. Marvel with the powers coming second and so far, it’s really working.
Faith in Family
The length of a miniseries allows for a deeper dive into the different aspects of a character that you might not have time for in a movie. Marvel smartly used this opportunity to look at an important aspect of Ms. Marvel’s character, her faith. It’s no surprise that we rarely see characters in media practice Islam in a positive light, if at all. Not only do we get some respectful representation for the culture, but it’s also presented in a non-overbearing way. The show doesn’t stop to pat itself on the back, it’s just part of these characters everyday life.
And that’s what’s so important. The representation for a group who doesn’t get it in such a manner is invaluable. There’s going to be kids who will finally see themselves in a live action hero, see how their everyday lives are presented in a positive and realistic light, and we’ll need more of that moving forward. And I give the show credit for not backing away from the trials and tribulations would face in real life. The gender issues at home and in the mosque, the politics and unfair treatment, millions of people face this every day. And we’d be fooling ourselves if we thought that would disappear just because they got some powers. It’s not over the top and portrayed in a realistic manner, and that was the smartest thing they could have done.
Family in Faith
It’s touching and heartbreaking to see Kamala go from such enthusiasm in her powers to the dread of bringing unwanted attention to her family and community. And surrounding her with a stellar cast elevates the drama that much more. Her parents, Yusuf (Mohan Kapur) and Muneeba Khan (Zenobia Shroff), are portrayed with a caring yet traditional love towards Kamala that when everyone is having fun, we have fun. Yet when conflict inevitably arises, when we see Yusuf heart break over something Kamala said carelessly or her mother comfort her daughter, it hits. It could have been real easy to overplay the parents either “too traditional” or dropping most of their cultural values, but they’ve struck a good balance here. And I hope they keep this up for the rest of the show.
We’ve also got her brother, Aamir (Saagar Shaikh), who knows he benefits from simply being a man in his family but is still a loving brother. He helps Kamala when he can and is just a genuinely a loving brother. Nakia Bahadir (Yasmeen Fletcher), her friend who is of mixed race. I was actually pretty surprised Disney talked about the difficulties someone of mixed heritage could encounter within the culture. It wasn’t a huge part of the stories but I’m glad the character is there none the less. And Bruno, Kamala’s best friend and her (what will be) her guy in the chair. Bruno is white but is very intrenched in the Muslim community in the show. Not in the overly obnoxious way we tend to get in movies and shows (rewatch the Christmas episode of The Boondocks) but in the “we’ve more or less adopted you” way. He’s knowledgeable in the customs and practices so it’s not presented to the audience as a cultural shock, but when there’s something he doesn’t know, he just asks. It allows for the show to showcase Muslim and Pakistani customs while still feeling natural to the story itself.
And we need more of this, we need so much more of this. Giving representation to the underrepresented and just as important, normalizing the unfamiliar. Because it is normal, it’s everyday life for some people and just because some of us may not be familiar with it, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be shown and celebrated like everything else. And Marvel has been trending this way more and more as of late, but it’s still not perfect.
Not All that Glitters
At the end of the day, I’m loving the focus on Kamala’s life as a person rather than a superhero. And Marvel has chosen to really go in on this. Maybe to the point of overkill. It’s still a story about a superhero; a fictional comic book character with powers and villains and the like. And well, there’s not a whole lot of that 3 episodes in. Hell, if you remove 10 minutes of each episode so far you wouldn’t even know it’s a show about superheroes. Episode 4 had a lot more action by comparison, but even then, its strongest moments came from the family drama and character development. And to me, that’s refreshing. It’s a true origin story so we probably won’t get her fully fledged hero persona until the last episode. But one of the main criticisms floating around is due to that. People want to see the action we’ve become accustomed to in our comic book movies/shows, and I can’t really blame them for that.
Another, more significant issue is the presentation of the powers itself. What we have here just isn’t Ms. Marvels powers. In the comics she’s more liken to Mr. Fantastic. She can grow parts of her body and stretch them out. And by that description, I can see how visually that would be hard to do. In the show, we have what they are calling Hard Light, where Kamala shapes hard light into shapes like a platform of a giant fist (harking back to her original power). The issue is… the power change is less interesting than what it originally was. Not only that, but it’s cheap looking and at times, lazy. It’s like a low rent Green Lantern, and it’s pretty distracting. It doesn’t help either that the fight choreography has been real choppy. I’d like to hope that in her film debut with a much larger budget, it’ll look leagues better than it does now. The show is so good right now, and it’s a shame that the actual superhero part so far hasn’t had the same love and care as the story. Maybe it’ll get better and maybe they’ll change up her powers down the line. Right now though, it’s a little busted.
Cosmic
While not perfect, Ms. Marvel represents an important step forward in the future of comic book movies and shows for Marvel and in general. It’s not the first of its kind, newer superhero properties have been trending this way for some time now. The Boys and The Suicide Squad revel in their violence but also are character studies on how broken some of their characters are. In Invincible, we’re shown how the loving and deprave Omni-Man is which creates that since of dread in us when the shoe finally drops. The story of the characters is just as important as their power set, and Ms. Marvel doubles down on that sentiment. It’s not perfect, and still has 2 more episodes left. But for me, and many others, it’s one of the best shows to come out of Disney+. And I for one, hope they continue to refine their stories in this manner.
Cover image via Wikipedia
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Instagram!
The post ‘Ms. Marvel’: The Character, The Person appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.
Did you know for the decade that Miles Morales has been a character in Marvel Comics, he hasn’t been written by a Black writer in his main title yet? He was co-created by Brian Michael Bendis, and Sara Pichelli, and after about a six-ish year run, it was handed over to Saladin Ahmed.
Now, Saladin Ahmed is most definitely that dude, and he’s been holding it down for Miles, but in all this time, it’s a shame that we haven’t had a Black or Afro-Latinx writer get to really flesh out who Miles is, and provide to the audience a well-rounded, believable character in the medium that birthed him.
Instead, we get this:
Please don’t scratch your eyes out. That’s not going to change the fact that this image exists, and you’ll just be in excruciating and debilitating pain. Unfortunately, this is just more proof that we live in one of the darkest timelines because seriously, this is… a lot.
If there was ever a doubt that Black people should have the opportunity to tell their own stories, that doubt has been yeeted into oblivion after the release of this comic book.
This opening page is part of Marvel’s What If…? Miles Morales series, where each issue tells the story of an alternate Miles who became another beloved Marvel hero instead of Spider-Man. In this one, as you can see, Miles becomes Thor who lives in an Asgardian version of Brooklyn. But by the end of the issue, instead of what if, we’re just wondering why?
Miles Morales is one of the most popular characters in comics today, and his stock continues to rise with appearances in comics, television, and movies. He’s an embodiment of the idea that anyone can be anything. For a character that’s only been in existence for the better part of a decade, the future is looking bright. But there are still some major pitfalls from those behind the scenes that continually disappoint us and often leave us infuriated.
How Did We Get Here?
Why am I asking that question? You know the answer by now. We got here because the person who wrote this issue, Yehudi Mercado, isn’t Black. That isn’t to say that a Black writer can’t make questionable decisions about a Black character, *stares hard at Falcon & The Winter Soldier*, but having a seat at the table in these instances will at the very least slow the rate that this type of thing happens.
To be fair, Miles is Black and Puerto Rican, and Mercado does bring Latinx representation, but everyone’s gripe is that this story so specifically highlights Miles’ Blackness, that everything else is secondary. Plus, Miles is Afro-Latinx, which Mercado is not so that just brings us back to square one.
While some of the decisions Mercado made for this character are questionable at best, the ultimate blame should really fall on the institution that allowed something like this to happen, and probably didn’t even realize it was an issue until the justified outcry on the internet.
I could get into the weeds about Marvel and those in charge there, but it’s really bigger than them, too. This is an instrumental problem that needs to be addressed. And it’s not just in this industry, it’s everywhere.
There needs to be deliberate and intentional dedication to finding the write voices to write and flesh out these characters, even in a fun side series like What If…? Because when it’s mishandled like this, we all feel disrespected. So yes, Mercado shoulders a lot of the blame, but there’s a team of people that approved this idea. It went through a pitch, most likely a few revisions, and a lettering pass or two before it was completed, and no one at any point thought that maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
It’s wild that the most authentic versions of Miles that we’ve gotten have been from Into the Spider-Verse, Miles Morales video game, and Miles Morales: Spider-Man, written by Jason Reynolds (who is Black). While I love that these iterations of Miles exist, and they undoubtedly add to his legitimacy, it sucks that other mediums are handling this character better than the one that gave him life.
Instead, we get Miles saying “Hammer Time” while holding Mjolnir.
Marvel’s Voices
I know Marvel knows that diversity and representation are important in this industry and to fans. Just look at their Voices series, born out of a podcast, which is an ongoing anthology book dedicated to giving platforms for diverse creators to tell the stories of characters that represent who they are.
They’ve got issues spotlighting Black, AAPI, Latinx, Indigenous, and Queer creators and characters, so it’s not like Marvel is oblivious to this issue. This is exactly what we need more of in this industry, but it has to go further than spotlights and eight-page stories. Diverse creators deserve to be handed the keys to a franchise, especially if their very being adds substance and depth to that character that will ultimately make them better.
I love Voices, and I think it’s some of the best stuff Marvel is putting out there, but why can’t we do books like this, and write Miles Morales? Continuing to not provide us with opportunities on big named books just tells us that you either are afraid to invest in us or aren’t making it a priority, and both of those reasons are disappointing.
BrookGard
Why did this book have a hybrid of Brooklyn and Asgard? What was the purpose of that?
Maybe the point was to drop Miles into the fantastical world of Norse mythology. But if that was the case, why did there have to be a blend between that and Brooklyn street life? There can be Black people in Asgard.
To me, this is one of the things that really does a disservice to the story. It’s so concerned with trying to combine these two elements that everything else falls to the wayside. I think it would have been stronger if Miles was just straight-up Asgardian, or if he was just his normal self from Brooklyn.
It would make more sense if Miles was a regular kid that somehow became worthy of Thor’s hammer. That probably wouldn’t have gotten rid of the ill-advised references in the dialogue, but at least it would have been able to avoid the meshing of two otherwise completely different cultures that really don’t fit together. You could also focus on the unfamiliarity of that object and its background as it’s juxtaposed with Miles and the neighborhood that he comes from. The version of Miles we got isn’t Thor in the way Jane Foster is Thor, he’s literally Thor Odinson, so it makes you come in with a certain level of expectations.
*Sighs in Black*
Reading this issue, it just seemed like there was no attempt to make this version of Miles a well-fleshed-out character, and in turn, he becomes a soundboard full of outdated and corny catchphrases that scream that he wasn’t written by someone who talks like this, let alone someone who is actually representative of our culture.
Twenty-two pages is not a lot of real estate to develop a new character, and it’s got to be even harder to do so in a book like What If…?, where you have to subvert the audience’s knowledge and create something new. With that being said, this is the multiverse we’re dealing with, and just because that means you can do whatever you want, doesn’t mean that you should.
To make matters worse, it seemed intentional to make Miles as “Black” as possible by using visual identifiers to try and sell what this version of the character was all about. The first few images of the book show Miles with a blonde fade and a lightning bolt buzzed into his haircut, shoes hanging from the powerlines in the streets, and some Jordan-esque sneakers in a poor attempt at a reference to Into the Spider-Verse, while managing to lack all of the substance.
I think the thing that really took me out was the ’80s era rapping that Mercado tried to add into Miles’ dialogue. It felt like trying to write in the style of Run DMC, Slick Rick, or Kurtis Blow.
As I write that out, that idea doesn’t inherently sound horrible. Scott Snyder has borrowed from the aesthetics of the Heavy Metal genre for a lot of his stories, and it works; however, adapting the aesthetics and lifestyle of hip-hop for something like this requires a lived-in experience, not just a reverence for the genre.
Keep the Pressure
It’s bleak out here, but as annoying as this has all been for us Black nerds, we definitely know how to get these jokes off, and we more than know how to let our voices be heard. Since all this uproar, Mercado has released an acknowledgment and apology for the issue, as well as promised to donate the money he made from this issue to the Brooklyn Book Bodega.
That’s all because we spoke up. So with that, I’ll say let’s keep it up. Keep our foot on their necks until this type of thing happens less often, and we can continue to celebrate a character instead of screaming into the void for people to make better choices.
Miles deserves more. We as fans deserve more. And unfortunately, it’s ultimately up to those in power to ensure we get opportunities to tell our stories but until then we’re applying pressure.
We are tired, and at this point, we want more than a seat at the table.
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Instagram!
The post What If… Miles Morales had a Black Writer? appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.