https://madamenoire.com/1099892/how-my-thoughts-about-marriage-have-changed/

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Growing up, it always seemed like marriage was a goal. Something you achieve and the diamond engagement ring is the prize. But not for the man though. It seemed that when a woman was proposed to it symbolized her worth.  When a woman didn’t have a boyfriend or a husband, she was looked as if something was wrong with her. I grew up thinking if a man married me, it meant I was beautiful, lovable and valuable. If a man picked me I must be wanted and desired. I’ve finally realized that I can be single my whole life and still have all those qualities.

Marriage was one of my main goals all throughout my twenties. I wanted a life partner so I could feel complete.  I thought getting married could wash away what was left of my low self-esteem. Having a husband would confirm that I was wanted, desired,  beautiful and “good woman.” I also wanted to belong, to be taken. As I am reaching 30 I’ve realized that the way I thought about marriage was all wrong.

The things I thought I would get from a marriage are things I have to do on my own. I determine who and what I am, not my husband. If I don’t feel beautiful and still battle low self-esteem, I have to address that with my therapist, not a life mate. I have to make sure I am a complete, emotionally healthy being, not my husband.

Marriage isn’t going to be a source of validation for me. It’s not supposed to be anyway. Even if I don’t get married I am okay with that. If I never get a ring, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with me or that I am doing something wrong. Marriage isn’t a goal or achievement for me anymore. It’s an option. It’s not a priority on my to-do list before 30. What’s more important is for me to continue to learn how to embrace who I am before I look for someone else to do it.