http://nerdist.com/revell-rogue-one-star-wars-snaptite-kits-figures-and-speech/

Welcome to Figures & Speech, Nerdist’s regular column by, for, and about grown-ups who still play with their toys but might want to know more before they buy. From product reviews to informed editorials, these are most definitely the articles that’ll make you want to strike a pose. Click on all images to enlarge for detail.

After the last time I reviewed model kits, I never imagined anybody would choose to send me some again. Not because I trashed them—I didn’t—but because I think my general impatience with and incompetence at building kits, even ones designed for the average casual consumer, came through loud and clear.

But then I looked at Revell‘s press release closely. Their SnapTite Star Wars Rogue One model kits are designed for eight year-olds to make within an hour and play with afterwards. I am not offended in the least to state that this is the perfect skill level for me.

First, however, I had to liberate the boxes from an oppressed area.

Next, I figured I’d start easy with the AT-ACT, or, as my wife Julia definitively told her mother, “That’s called an Ant-Man.”

There are no frames to pop the parts out of—they come in baggies and plastic trays. And as you can see, there aren’t a whole lot of parts.

The instructions are hilariously casual. “Ehhh, just repeat several times, whatever.”

Though these kits are billed as pre-painted, in the case of the AT-ACT there is no paint involved. Just orange cargo doors and gray everything else.

Hidden detail! This is a part of the vehicle you’ll never see once it’s displayed, but shows you a scale replica of the inside cockpit. Note the two tiny driver seats up front.

The assembled ankles have articulation, and a pinion that moves with the joint.

And then there’s this: light and sound! The batteries come pre-installed, and you just have to pull out a plastic tab to activate. In all these kits there are two sounds: a longer one of taking off (or in the AT-ACT’s case, lumbering into motion) and then firing, or a shorter “pew-pew-pew!” firing sound. In each case the sound is movie-authentic.

The kits are apparently made using Lucasfilm‘s digital scans, and they definitely look on-model.

Articulation is good: there are basic cut joints at the “hips,” “knees,” and “ankles,” as well as the pinions on the ankle interior. The guns rotate up and down, and the “neck” is a ball joint. For $19.99, this is a reasonable AT-ACT if you just want a little one on your desk to play with. It reminds me of the old mini-vehicles that came carded like figures in the vintage line.

And since I built it in under 30 minutes, I am officially smarter than an eight-year-old. Hooray!

Next, the U-Wing. I’m not a big fan of this vehicle—it feels like a knock-off of the starfighters from the Buck Rogers TV show, and the long, skinny wings are stupid. That’s no knock on Revell; they work with what they got. And this one has a decent amount of pre-painting on it.

Those do not look like Cassian Andor and K-2SO, though. I’m just saying. It must be another U-Wing. In fact, I’ll call it the Junior Rogue, or JR, so when it draws fire and crashes, I can ask the inevitable question…

“Who shot J.R. U-Wing?”

YEAAHHHHHHHHH!

The model parts don’s snap together as “permanently” as promised, but that’s a good thing, because after finishing the ship’s body I realized I’d left out the piece above, and had to take it out again. I used to make a lot of similar errors with G.I. Joe toys, causing my dad to compare me to a crack addict one time when I misassembled the Defiant space shuttle, and disassembling that one wrong part was really hard. Anyway, cockpit, with hidden details…

You can put landing gear on, or not, but be warned that the front and rear ones are different pieces, and may snap if you force them in the wrong holes. Since there’s no flight stand, you’ll probably want to put them on.

Light and sound!

And yes, the wings do move into flight position. We’ll see that a bit later.

Now it’s time for the Big Kahuna, the Star Destroyer. It’s ten bucks more and worth it.

I’m told that most UFO conspiracy folk report that triangle shapes are the new saucers. Rather than flippantly assume that’s because triangular stealth planes are more common these days, let’s imagine they’re seeing Star Destroyers.

Most impressive lights on this one.

Those panels on the bottom are to help the thing stand on a level surface. I’d much prefer a clear stand, and maybe a terrain base like some of the Bandai kits have, but I’m also not eight.

A testament to the appeal of the kit as a toy is that it’s the first one I’ve ever written about that my Star TREK partisan wife grabbed off the table and started running around the house with, going “BRRRRRRRRR! Pew! Pew! Pew!”

It was a gateway drug.

“Spider AT-ACT, Spider AT-ACT. Does whatever a Spider AT-ACT does.” Note: this song only works if you say it “attact” rather than the Dan Casey-mandated “aytee ayseetee.” It also makes you realize that when the Empire says one of their cargo walkers is being “attacked,” nobody knows if it’s an actual emergency or just a statement of fact.

And yes, you can put the walker in its “downed” pose.

Or you can make it go full King Kong.

It’s weird to think that in my entire collecting life, I’ve never owned a Star Destroyer toy, unless you count the vintage bridge playset from The Empire Strikes Back that was totally inaccurate but still cool. I’m happy to finally have one.

If you have the Bandai kits, these will fit in reasonably well. The Bandais have more detail if you’re patient enough to apply the stickers, but if you want to paint them for full effect, you’d be as well off painting these.

Revell calculated wisely. They figured I’d like these, and they were right. Would love for them to do a couple of figures in this style—maybe a Vader or Threepio?

You can find these at regular toy stores and at more model-based retailers.

“Dude, get off my back! You’re like the final straw!”

Images: David Caruso via CBS, toy photos by Luke and Julia Thompson for Nerdist

Luke Y. Thompson is Nerdist’s weekend editor, and his inner eight-year-old is very pleased by that fact. Tweet @LYTrules