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Euphoria is back like a rager that never ended. From the somber specials that gave us extreme close-ups in lingering slow motion – this episode is going 100 miles an hour… literally. All of our favorite characters are back and the ones we love to hate too. Everyone is talking about this episode because there’s so much that transpired that you need more than a couple of days for it to sink in. Without further ado, this is the Euphoria recap you’ve been waiting for since the premiere of the Coronavirus. Although it goes without saying:

Spoilers Warning! It’s a recap. Please also note, some of the content is triggering. The show features drug use, sexual behavior, and many experiences that are traumatic in nature. Feel free to skip sections and take care of your well-being.  

Fezco’s Grandma was a MotherF-ing G 

Yes! We begin with Fez’s grandmother, a bad mother – shut yo mouth! Ok, she’s not Shaft cuz she’s still a white woman, but I won’t deny she was a G. She rolls up in the royal blue pantsuit strolling through the strip club-ready to throw hands, and everyone can see it. She steps into the head office, head for more reasons than one, and shoots the head honcho in both legs and walks out. You then see a young Fez in the car, and his grandmother says she had a talk with his father and Fez coming to live with grandma. Soooo Fez’s dad is the Ron Jeremy of Euphoria, and she just shot her son in both of his legs. OKAY, I think I understand the ride we’re going on this episode.

We then take a hot and heavy trip through Fez’s childhood. While our grandmas were giving us Werther’s candies while we sit in the car at the post office, Fez’s grandma was asking him to keep the car running while she beats the sh*t outta this guy with a crowbar real quick. 

We also get a glimpse at Ash’s origins. He was plopped into Fez and his G-ma’s house as collateral by his mother. The saddest story isn’t even the fact that Ash’s mom used her own kid to pay off some debts, but that the debt was too large she left her child and never came back. That better be some Squid Game level of crippling debt. But Ash had Fez at a head nod, and on some Fast and Furious vibes that baby became his flesh and blood that day. Through thick and thicker, Ash will F-k someone up. Oh, and his name is Ash cuz as a baby he ate some cigarette butts that were next to the sink while he was getting a baby bath. YUP! Ash is for ashtray.  

Oh back to brass knuckles, I mean brass hammer – excuse me brass taxes. Last we saw Fez he was handling a mess he was stuck in with his supplier. The same guy who forced Rue to take Fentanyl and almost die is back looking for his cash. Before they can square everything away, Ash does a barrel roll over the couch and molly whop this dude in the head with a hammer! That man got knocked the F-out! No forreal! He is out for the count…forever! In the same swing, he knocks off the henchman’s nose. Now we’re in a pickle… 

To iron this out, it seems Fez and Ash are being taken to the head supplier’s home to –  ya know, just talk it out over dinner. For some reason, Rue is with them in the car. I feel like she would have learned from the last time she got involved and was force-fed fentanyl but learning from mistakes is not totally in her character. They stop and meet the no nose henchman and his high AF girlfriend who gets in the car and proceeds to shoot up heroin while Jules gets freaked out. They both get ripped from the car and taken inside and told to strip. Yea, it’s getting even realer than a hammer to the skull. Thankfully, Rue does not strip but is thrown in a shower and forced to prove she is not wearing a wire. Now, a very well-mannered soft-spoken white woman brings over a suitcase of drugs ready to do business. WTF! 

Back in the car, Rue is reeling on the experience as if she was just in a scene of a movie and none of it was actually real which ticks off Fez. Honestly – fair reaction. Like, she keeps getting in these life-or-death moments and just keeps it pushing. But if we remember from our special Euphoria episode, she does not plan on being around that long. Ooof, yea what a devastating line. 

There’s Some Girl Like Passed Out in Here

Now, we’re at a New Years’ party, and it looks like the cops should have showed up like hours ago. But we are in rural CA, and I guess this is where no one cares if teenagers are doing coke in bathrooms. We see Lexi frantically looking for Cassie. Apparently, they had a huge fight, and now she can’t find her. I have a lot of questions. One, how did you have a fight in the car, and she gets out and what? You just leave her? Did the Uber just drive away? It is confusing how Cassie got left at a convenience store, but we see her sitting in the parking lot eating a donut when the worst human being on Euphoria steps into the scene…Nate. He looks like he’s been gaming all school break, because his hair is not styled and he just looks kinda…tired. He offers to give Cassie a ride to this party, and she says yes. While LITERALLY drinking and driving, he speeds up to 100 miles an hour and Cassie looks terrified – then turned on?? Mind you she is drunk AF, but what in the hell is even going the F**k on?! Nate? Maddy’s Nate? I don’t want this, Cassie – you don’t even want this. Euphoria then cuts to them smashing in the bathroom at the party. Is it weird that I’m like, “oh thank God?” It’s better than them dying in a horrible underage drinking car crash. 

Maddy is at the party in her best 90s skin-tight attire and has to pee (of course.) She is banging on the door that – yes her ex and best friend at Fking on. Cassie looks like the fear of God has just crept inside her and can’t even operate her limbs. Now, we’re in a horror film. I’m thinking Maddy is gonna break down the door and kill everyone in the room. Euphoria cuts to us at a funeral, and we finish the season with Maddy’s prison story. (She’d be a G in prison.)

BUT instead, Cassie hops in the shower, Nate comes out, Maddie comes in and pees, and then arer joined by another gentleman waiting for the bathroom. Welp, Cassie is stuck in the tub. 

Euphoria got the suspense is out of control. Not to mention there was no toilet paper, so Maddy wiped her pee on a towel and threw it in the tub on Cassie’s face. Her phone is now going off. The nice gentleman throws open the curtain and says, “There’s some girl passed out in the tub.” It’s over. Cassie is caught. Maddy is going to prison. Instead, in true Maddy fashion, she says “so what,” and asks her gentleman caller to dance. Crisis averted. But oooh girl – that happened…

To make matters worse, Cassie’s ex Chris shows up. Like dude, why are you at a high school party right now? You’re in college…BUT obvi he is there to see Cassie. She looks messed up. He’s just trying to get closure. Why did they break up? As far as he knows, there is no reason. However, her choice to not keep their baby is most definitely weighing on her mind, and she says she doesn’t think of herself as a “good person.” This triggers Chris, and right now I bet he’s thinking she cheated on him or something to that tone. He doesn’t really have a choice but to leave it at that. What happens after is the disturbing part. Nate, once good friends with Chris, starts asking in a disgusting dude-bro way what happened in the room. Chris is honest and says they just talked, but Nate cannot let it go. He keeps berating him, getting more and more explicit asking where he came and legit uncomfortable about it – in his face and getting violent (as Nate does.) Chris is like, man get off me and leaves. Why are we at high school parties anyways? 

I Didn’t Mean to be Mean 

We also see Fez and Rue have made it to the party. Yea after casually being stripped searched by major drug lords they were like let’s stop off at this high school party real quick. Either way, it’s great to see all of our Euphoria friends, Kat, and her new boo Ethan. Lexi is having a couch confessional session with Fez, and it’s an interesting development. He gets her number, is like aight I’ll holla, and has a quick chat with Nate involving fists and teeth. It was a mess! Although Lex looks absolutely terrified, I feeeel like it’s not terrified enough to completely count him out of the dating pool. I really hope they get together, despite Lexi’s obvious fawning over Rue. 

Which reminds me. Rue! She is looking bored and makes her way back to the car to explore that stash of heroin the whacked-out girl had in an Altoids tin. I’m like girl, girrrrl, guuurrrrl – no! Heroine?? That is a step too far. That’s not even a, find euphoria high. That’s a let’s alter my body chemistry and forget how to live otherwise high. You don’t wanna go down that road. We don’t actually get to see what she does with it. She just flicks the bag and cut to – she is back at the party. Now, what I’m hoping she didn’t do is heroin of course, but I’m also hoping she didn’t cook that shit up and use that random girl’s needle. THAT would be a whole new low. At most, I’m hoping she rubbed it on her teeth. OK, I am getting too far into the many uses of heroin. Back at the party, Rue sees Jules hanging with Kat and is actually hiding – not avoiding or evading – literally ducking under counters. She makes her way to the laundry room where she meets a sweet loner kid snorting off the dryer. She convinces him to share and then feels herself start to go into cardiac arrest. Now, I am not a licensed physician, but can you even really feel that? She tells the kids to crush up some Adderall so she can snort it and restart her heart. Is that even a THING? I swear Rue – you need to carry naloxone around like a damn EpiPen. 

Later, we see Jules looking for Rue. She knows she’s here…she can feel it. Once she finds her sitting by a bonfire, she takes our young drug Padawan’s seat, and they chat. Jules can obviously see she is off the wagon. She asks her when she relapsed, and, flippantly, Rue denies like she isn’t obviously high on multiple drugs and says it’s just weed. She then fesses up and tells Jules it was the day she left. Heartbreak – check. The pressure, the sadness, the feeling of responsibility it’s all too much and I’m just a spectator! Back at the party, Rue finds Jules to apologize.

She says she didn’t mean to be mean, and she misses her. Jules misses her too! And they kiss, and we’re all crying. But secretly, the pessimist in me was like, none of this is happening, and Rue is about to wake up passed out by the bonfire. Thankfully, it was real. We then have again one of the most beautiful cinematic moments where each corner of the room is seen like the flash of a polaroid. Snapshots of this overworked party are being lit as if burned into our memories and everlasting portraits for our characters. This is the beginning of an unforgettable season for sure of Euphoria.

Catch up on past recaps of Euphoria here.

Cover image via TVLine

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The post Euphoria Season 2 Premiere Recap: Trying to Get to Heaven Before They Close the Door appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.