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https://www.essence.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/stay-positive-practice-gratitude/
We are living through “unprecedented” times.
In addition to depressing news shared each day relative to the global coronavirus outbreak, Black people are being mercilessly killed by overt racism and prejudice for simple luxuries such as running or breathing. This is all in addition to the stress and grind of work and day-to-day life. And baby, we are tired.
During a pandemic — or any time for that matter — it can be easy to forget all of life’s blessings and show your appreciation for what you do have. Especially when people that look like us are suffering each day.
But lack of positivity can wreak havoc on your mental and emotional wellbeing — eventually leading to more turmoil. So when you’re struggling to stay positive, it’s important to remember that a life well lived is one of gratitude and thankfulness. To help improve your outlook, Talkspace Therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD offers 7 ways to have more gratitude in your daily life.
Try getting into a gratitude routine.
Gratitude is a skill, and it’s something that you have to practice in order to make it a regular habit. Research has shown that the more we appreciate, the happier we are. But finding time to feel gratitude is a challenging thing. “Being intentional rather than reactive can set you up for success when times are especially hard,” says Ertel. “Try using a gratitude journal (or really just a note in your phone if that is what you have available) where you write down at least 1 thing during the day you are thankful for. Eventually, it gets easier—especially if it is a habit.”
An act of kindness.
The world needs more gratitude and kindness — especially now. When you’re being kind to others, you’re not the only one who’s giving away something. In fact, you are getting a lot, if not more, in return. According to Ertel, “Even a small gesture like sending a funny gif to brighten someone else’s day can boomerang back in a positive way.”
Connect with nature.
There’s something special about being outdoors and connecting with Mother Nature. Not to mention, being in nature helps reduce stress, anxiety, and worry while increasing our ability to focus. So it’s only right that this should be part of our gratitude practice. Ertel says it’s as simple as “going on a walk or a jog or sitting by a lake.” Really anything outside can help shift energy and connect to something outside our own mind.
Find opportunity.
There’s opportunity everywhere — you just have to be open to finding it. Ertel reads her son the book, What to Do with a Problem, and it ends with the statement that “each problem is an opportunity.” “Is there another way to see your problem?” she asks.
Positive affirmations.
If you’re familiar with the “Law of Attraction” then you know that life responds to what you pay attention to. So the more you say it, the more you speak life into existence. Ertel suggests, “Strategically placing affirmations around your home, car, or in your phone can be great pick-me-ups.”
Meditative reflection.
“This can be powerful when conjuring up gratitude is difficult,” says Ertel. “Utilize an expert online to help guide you to a better place. My favorite meditation has been the Self-Compassion Meditation.”
Avoid unnecessary negativity.
Honey, this is probably the most important thing to recognize. Negative or unwanted thoughts (and people) can prevent you from enjoying experiences, distract you from focusing on what’s important, and drain your energy. “Avoid negative people, places, and things as much as possible,” says Ertel.” No news reports and spending hours scrolling through various reports on updated COVID-19 numbers. This only serves to further your compassion fatigue and makes it more difficult to connect with things you love and hold dear.”
The post Struggling To Stay Positive? Here Are A Few Ideas To Practice Gratitude appeared first on Essence.
Cheers, to our avid and faithful listenership who have followed us to our new home, BTalk 100. Check out a new installment of The Mid Week in Review as engineered by the mighty Afronerd Radio Steam Engine airing this Wednesday at 8pm eastern. Join your friendly neighborhood (and possibly birding) AFROnerdist broadcasters as they discuss the following hot topics: we discuss the videos that shook the world-the unfortunate death (Eric Garner 2.0?) of George Floyd by Minneapolis police officers and the "Karen" moment involving avid Central Park birder and former Marvel Comics editor, Christian Cooper (and his equally blerdic sister, Melody Cooper of the Omni comic) who were bird watching in Central Park when all hell broke loose; and in more racial strife, comedian/talk show host, Jimmy Fallon is apologizing for a 20 year old SNL skit pertaining to his blackface impersonation of Chris Rock; and then there's hip hop artist, Doja Cat's internalized/externalized racial battle being played out on social media; interesting....Gayle King gets emotional about the recent spate of black men being endangered due to the current racial zeitgeist; a recent Comicbook.com piece posits that there might be more reboots to come based on the success of the Snyder Cut fan movement; just what's with the Shaun King allegations regarding his Frederick Douglass reboot of The North Star according to the Daily Beast?; we never did speak about the Cyberpunk 2077 upcoming video game and it's genitalia customization feature (here we go); ok, so is Mike Tyson really going to step back into the ring? And apparently, Mad Magazine didn't go away and is available via subscription (who knew?); a Variety magazine article about how hip hop mogul Russell Simmons; accusers (per the On The Record doc) believe that the music industry will never have its #Metoo moment (or a #blacktoo version according to Dburt); Call live-#508-645-0100.
AFTER CLICKING ON THE LINK, FEEL FREE TO FILL OUT THE LISTENER FORM OR PRESS "NO THANKS" TO GO DIRECTLY TO AFRONERD RADIO!!!
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Source: Red Table Talk / Facebook Watch / Red Table Talk / Facebook Watch
The three women of “Red Table Talk,” tackled colorism within the Black community on the latest episode of the Facebook Watch show. Jada, Willow and Adrienne Banfield Norris (aka Gammy) discussed everything from skin tone, hair texture, bullying and bleaching in this episode, which featured Jada Pinkett Smith’s lifelong friend, Mia Pitts and her daughter Madison.
The episode opens with Willow, Jada and Gammy in the kitchen speaking about their personal experiences with colorism—even though the rest of the episode centered around dark skinned Black women specifically.
Jada said, “I remember having plenty of conversations with you and Aunt Karen about not revealing other heritage in my blood. It was like, ‘You’re Black and that’s it.’
Gammy: It wasn’t so much about not revealing. It was like, ‘Don’t get it twisted.’
Jada: Listen, Karen was like, ‘Don’t talk about It because it means absolutely nothing. You’re Black. Don’t let me hear you talkin’ bout you got this in your blood, you got that in your blood. It doesn’t matter you’re Black,”
Gammy: Back in the day, we would always hear Black people, ‘Oh I got Indian in me and all of this.’ Still not owning our own Blackness. And that’s just a result of all the brain washing that has happened over the years. That perpetuation of White supremacy.
Jada: Or lighter skin supremacy.
Willow: It’s true.
When they finally sat down at the table, they jumped right in.
Mia said that she realized there was a certain persona she adopted to cope with certain feelings she had about her skin complexion.
Mia: Listen, when I was getting myself together, I thought, ‘Oo this is kind of a plunging neckline here. But it’s also a part of a character I created, a part of my colorism issues that I had. Because I never considered myself beautiful I always would go to the other side of the spectrum of being sexy. That was one of the ways I could sell myself in another way, outside of my skin color. I think it was a camouflage not being told, from men primarily, that you’re beautiful.
Mia shared that her issues with colorism came to the forefront when she was a dancer in the NBA. And again when she had her daughter who was also dark skinned. She said in an attempt to shield Madison from some of the pain she experienced, she over compensated, complimenting her skin tone to the point where it could cause her to have a complex.
Unfortunately, Madison wasn’t able to avoid colorism.
Madison: Going to a predominately Black elementary school that was my first experience. I got bullied. One Black kid in particular, he would always say, ‘Your skin looks like poop.’ And call me Blackie. I remember running home to my mom of course, crying. ‘Why would he do that? Why would he say that?’ And that was my first introduction to it.
And when I transitioned to a predominately White school, I was scared because if I’m getting this from my own community, what am I going to get from this. And I didn’t have any issues. So that was really shocking to me.
When I liked Black boys, they never really liked me back.
Madison said Black guys would tell her outright that they didn’t date Black women. But when Madison began dating men of other races, she received backlash from Black men.
Madison: I’m like you guys don’t even like us anyway so what’s the point. It hurt of course. You have those little bit of feelings like, ‘I’m not good enough.’ Now, I’m dating Black guys again and now I’m getting that appreciation that I’ve always wanted. I don’t know what changed in their minds. Or it could be me, being more confident. That’s probably a factor.
Later, they had colorism expert, Chika Okoro speak about the history of colorism, including featurism and hair type.
Chika: We talk about the different tests we still see the aftermaths of. There was the brown paper bag test, where if you’re darker than a paper bag, you’re not in the club. There was the pencil test. They run a pencil through your hair, it can’t get stuck then you’re in the club.
Mia: I would have failed that.
Willow: Yeah, me too. That was one of the issues for me growing up was my hair. It was always a struggle. I was always looking. Even like my cousins and my friends. I would look at her and be like, ‘Oh my God, I would be so much prettier if my hair wasn’t so kinky or if I had longer hair. It would always be such an issue.
Gammy: The approximation to White is what is valued around the world. It’s global.
The most profound portion of the episode came when Stacey Summers, a woman of Haitian descent, spoke about bleaching her skin from the time she was eight years old until she was 25. She did so to counteract the bullying she suffered in school and to achieve what she thought would be a better life for herself.
But one day in a conversation with her now-husband something shifted.
Jada: What made you decide to stop?
Stacey: My husband. When I was engaged, I decided to show him my photo album when I was a younger girl, a baby. And he was like, ‘Wow, you are beautiful. You’re so gorgeous.’ Deep down in my heart, I was so sad. I’m like, ‘Eewww how can you call that girl in the picture beautiful?’ And he didn’t tell me to stop but because he found beauty in that girl, in my mind I’m like, ‘You know what I have to stop.’ There’s no way for me to treat myself this way if my husband loves me. He found beauty in this little chocolate muffin. I have to stop.
So when he left, I went to the bathroom and I cried. And I believe that’s when my deliverance happened. I went to church all my life but my deliverance didn’t happen at church, it happened in a bathroom. My one on one. I cried and I’m like, ‘God, how can I be in church and I’m so insecure. I have such low self esteem and I feel so depressed all the time?’ But that day, God literally removed that hurt inside of me.”
Hallelujah!
You can watch the full episode in the video below.