deerstalker

https://blacknerdproblems.com/mario-party-is-a-torture-chamber/

When my partner comes to visit me, we like to engage in Mario Party violence: Good ol’ Birdo vs Donkey Kong action. We talk shit, then pick up the joy-cons and throw hands. But one weekend I stopped and observed that the mini-games are the homies being—tortured? Hold it with me for a second. Mario and his homies are being put in some inhumane situations (even for the sake of their world). In Mario Party, they got capitalistic ghosts, mushrooms that watch you get robbed, and “minigames” that include things that could kill you. Mario Party is not fun and games. It has never been fun and games. We’re playing into violent affairs, and we’re complicit in our remotes.

Let me start off with some of these “minigames.” These ain’t games okay. They’re forcing people (and animals) to do extravagant, possibly life-altering tasks for 10 dollars.

Exhibit A:

Mario Party

Let’s start off with this Pogo-a-Gogo. A game where three characters on a pogo stick fight to stay on a space station as a rival rotates the platform so that you may plummet into intergalactic doom. Okay. So, we see the problem, right? Toad, the host is basically telling you, “For ten bucks, make your homie disintegrate into the milky way.” My questions are: How they even got the pogo sticks up there in the first place? Why aren’t they floating away? And why did they have to choose something so life threatening in the first place?

According to Business Insider: “You could only last 15 seconds without a spacesuit — you’d die of asphyxiation or you’ll freeze.”

And how long is this game you ask?

They all should’ve died four times.

Exhibit B:

Next, let’s go to Bowser’s Blast, which is basically that bomb diffusing scene in Die Hard with a Vengeance, but everyone is Samuel L. Jackson. Bowser’s Blast presents four people in a line, with a huge bomb in the shape of Bowser’s head on a stage. One by one you have to select the lever that doesn’t set off the bomb. Each time someone selects a lever and it doesn’t go off, there’s one less lever for someone to choose; therefore, it increases the odds of you getting blown up. Basically, it’s an erotic dream for a serial killer.

I don’t know what kind of funding Toad got, but someone needs to investigate his budget for weapons of mass destruction.  Because there is no reason why you got UNLIMITED Bowser head bombs. Look at them covering their heads as their best friend gets caught in the explosion. Tragic.

Mario Party

Exhibit C:

The last mini game I’m gonna focus on is Hot Rope Jump. It’s jump rope, but the rope is made out of flames. I want you to think about it. Imagine you’re playing double dutch back in the day and one of your homegirls say: “What if we lit this shit on fire?” Everyone was like, “Haha good one Shirley.” But then she insisted, “Nah, we’d look dope!” Everyone disagreed, but she did it anyway. That’s Mario Party Hot Rope Jump in a nutshell. You’re literally jumping to save the hairs on your butt from being singed.  And what happens to you if you get caught? Literal smoke is flaming out your anus, and you’re hopping to safety.

Mario Party

Honorable Mention:

1) Cheep Cheep Chase: Four people get thrown into a dungeon pool being forced to swim for their lives avoiding spike balls floating on the water while a huge fish blubs after you to suck off your flesh and bones.

2) Boulder Ball: Three characters run up a steep incline as someone at the top of the hill throws down boulder balls at them.

Mario Party

Next, lets gravitate our attention to the party boards. Here they present you separate “paradises” and “invigorating experiences” to choose from. Ranging from a tropical island to a haunted forest, each is equipped with their own methods of follicle stressors. My main focus is going to be on Space Land. Modeled after a space colony, this board has multiple paths with a counter in the middle to set off a huge laser beam that not only blasts you into the air, but also yeets your entire bank account.

I bet you’re asking, what makes this more of a torture chamber than say Peach’s Birthday Cake where you can grow large piranha plants between the crevices of sweet frosting. Or why not Woody Woods where moles pop out of the ground and mess with the map, so you’re forced to go around in circles in a God forsaken place where mushrooms play soccer with acorns. You’re probably wondering why not Yoshi Island? A paradise where Bowser robs you of 20 bucks then throws a shell at your face disguised as a cake. No, I assure you Space Land is a menace, and here’s why.

THERE’S GHOSTS IN SPACE!

Mario Party

Everywhere else, it makes sense. Yoshi island? You could make an excuse for dead Yoshis. Haunted forest? Of course! You know what Space Land has? Ghosts AND cops! You make a space utopia, and you got homies in hoods and masks stop and frisking you at checkpoints. Sounds familiar, but I digress. Imagine in space and away from earth, you got homies chasing you in cop cars, a countdown waiting to strip you of your entire bank account, and on top of that when you least expect it, some broke dinosaur on the other side of the board plotting to steal your stars. You literally cannot escape the treachery.

My personal experience with Space Land begins with a classic game my partner (Donkey Kong) and me (Birdo, the bougie dinosaur). I knew this game was gonna be something when a huge cinderblock with arms chased me all the way to the other side of the board, which plopped me head first into the laser. What happened next? My partner circled around the counter and had all of my money (100 coins by the way) disappear. To give you retrospect, having 100 coins or more is basically like being the 1%, so imagine that to losing all your money and being broke. It be feeling like everyone laughing at you. Like, “Ah ha! Wasn’t you out here making it rain on Toadette? Now look at you, scraping for three dollars every five steps.” It’s quite embarrassing actually. And the fact that you can’t even pay off the “space cops” (Shy Guys) if you don’t got money. They just ignore you saying, “we got paper work.”

This Whole Board is Disrespectful!

Mario Party

After I got chased to the back of the board and was left with no money, everything was wild. I passed by the bank; they pitied my ass. “We’ll take whatever you have.” I’m sure Koopa is just looking at me and internally saying, “Oh. Brokey McBroke Broke is back. Somebody, get her a dollar.”  I landed on the V.S. but didn’t have enough money for the betting pool. Toad started making side remarks about how there’s less money in the pot. Like obviously! You knew what was going on when I got here! Stop embarrassing me in front of the crew. I could sauté him for talking wild like that, but I’m not saying nothing.

But by far, what makes the Mario Party torture chamber worse are the item stores. If someone throwing boulders at you and a ghost coming to rob you isn’t enough, those mini shops set up throughout each board ran by Toad will do it. Toad the mastermind of all things PAIN has diabolical items ranging from things that can make you move faster, or reduce your opponents speed, steal things from them, etc. If you want to hurt someone ,Toad has it. But for the purpose of my own trauma, I’m gonna focus on one:

The “Chomp Call”

The Chomp Call summons three metal balls with TEETH to move Toadette to another star location. This item is inhumane. Not only does it revoke an opponent’s chance to get a star no matter how close they are, but it also puts Toadette at risk. Imagine you just see three wrecking balls with good dental coverage circling around you like sharks. I’d be terrified. This is Toadette’s life. The Chomp Call is probably one of the pettiest items in the game, because the computer specifically waits till you get really close to set it off. Right when you have your hopes and dreams, waited four turns to finally afford a star, then BAM! Somebody whips out their inhumane wrecking ball whistle to redirect the star somewhere else on the board. The places where Toadette falls, can lead the star directly to you or 50 steps away.

The Chomp Call is the Hateration in the Dancery
Mario Party

There’s been plenty of occasions by luck I roll high numbers and think I’m going to hit the star but like frustrating magic, I fall one step before it. I cry. I scream. Then, I see another player has a Chomp Call. They see my joy, pull it out and FWEEEEET! My hopes, my dreams dashed as I am forcibly taken back to the same side of the board I just came from and will take me another five turns to return to the star’s location.

I know we grew up thinking for generations that Mario Party is innocent fun and filled with activities for all ages. But I’m here to tell you that it is absolutely not. Folks get mad at violent shooter games; Mario Party needs that same energy. If you got your friends conspiring against you from 30 steps away, taking your money, making you succumb to money grubbing lasers and throwing boulders at you?! I think you have to rearrange your priorities.

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Mario Party

The post ‘Mario Party’ is a Torture Chamber appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.

July 11, 2022

‘Mario Party’ is a Torture Chamber

https://blacknerdproblems.com/mario-party-is-a-torture-chamber/


When my partner comes to visit me, we like to engage in Mario Party violence: Good ol’ Birdo vs Donkey Kong action. We talk shit, then pick up the joy-cons and throw hands. But one weekend I stopped and observed that the mini-games are the homies being—tortured? Hold it with me for a second. Mario and his homies are being put in some inhumane situations (even for the sake of their world). In Mario Party, they got capitalistic ghosts, mushrooms that watch you get robbed, and “minigames” that include things that could kill you. Mario Party is not fun and games. It has never been fun and games. We’re playing into violent affairs, and we’re complicit in our remotes.

Let me start off with some of these “minigames.” These ain’t games okay. They’re forcing people (and animals) to do extravagant, possibly life-altering tasks for 10 dollars.

Exhibit A:

Mario Party

Let’s start off with this Pogo-a-Gogo. A game where three characters on a pogo stick fight to stay on a space station as a rival rotates the platform so that you may plummet into intergalactic doom. Okay. So, we see the problem, right? Toad, the host is basically telling you, “For ten bucks, make your homie disintegrate into the milky way.” My questions are: How they even got the pogo sticks up there in the first place? Why aren’t they floating away? And why did they have to choose something so life threatening in the first place?

According to Business Insider: “You could only last 15 seconds without a spacesuit — you’d die of asphyxiation or you’ll freeze.”

And how long is this game you ask?

They all should’ve died four times.

Exhibit B:

Next, let’s go to Bowser’s Blast, which is basically that bomb diffusing scene in Die Hard with a Vengeance, but everyone is Samuel L. Jackson. Bowser’s Blast presents four people in a line, with a huge bomb in the shape of Bowser’s head on a stage. One by one you have to select the lever that doesn’t set off the bomb. Each time someone selects a lever and it doesn’t go off, there’s one less lever for someone to choose; therefore, it increases the odds of you getting blown up. Basically, it’s an erotic dream for a serial killer.

I don’t know what kind of funding Toad got, but someone needs to investigate his budget for weapons of mass destruction.  Because there is no reason why you got UNLIMITED Bowser head bombs. Look at them covering their heads as their best friend gets caught in the explosion. Tragic.

Mario Party

Exhibit C:

The last mini game I’m gonna focus on is Hot Rope Jump. It’s jump rope, but the rope is made out of flames. I want you to think about it. Imagine you’re playing double dutch back in the day and one of your homegirls say: “What if we lit this shit on fire?” Everyone was like, “Haha good one Shirley.” But then she insisted, “Nah, we’d look dope!” Everyone disagreed, but she did it anyway. That’s Mario Party Hot Rope Jump in a nutshell. You’re literally jumping to save the hairs on your butt from being singed.  And what happens to you if you get caught? Literal smoke is flaming out your anus, and you’re hopping to safety.

Mario Party

Honorable Mention:

1) Cheep Cheep Chase: Four people get thrown into a dungeon pool being forced to swim for their lives avoiding spike balls floating on the water while a huge fish blubs after you to suck off your flesh and bones.

2) Boulder Ball: Three characters run up a steep incline as someone at the top of the hill throws down boulder balls at them.

Mario Party


Next, lets gravitate our attention to the party boards. Here they present you separate “paradises” and “invigorating experiences” to choose from. Ranging from a tropical island to a haunted forest, each is equipped with their own methods of follicle stressors. My main focus is going to be on Space Land. Modeled after a space colony, this board has multiple paths with a counter in the middle to set off a huge laser beam that not only blasts you into the air, but also yeets your entire bank account.

I bet you’re asking, what makes this more of a torture chamber than say Peach’s Birthday Cake where you can grow large piranha plants between the crevices of sweet frosting. Or why not Woody Woods where moles pop out of the ground and mess with the map, so you’re forced to go around in circles in a God forsaken place where mushrooms play soccer with acorns. You’re probably wondering why not Yoshi Island? A paradise where Bowser robs you of 20 bucks then throws a shell at your face disguised as a cake. No, I assure you Space Land is a menace, and here’s why.

THERE’S GHOSTS IN SPACE!

Mario Party

Everywhere else, it makes sense. Yoshi island? You could make an excuse for dead Yoshis. Haunted forest? Of course! You know what Space Land has? Ghosts AND cops! You make a space utopia, and you got homies in hoods and masks stop and frisking you at checkpoints. Sounds familiar, but I digress. Imagine in space and away from earth, you got homies chasing you in cop cars, a countdown waiting to strip you of your entire bank account, and on top of that when you least expect it, some broke dinosaur on the other side of the board plotting to steal your stars. You literally cannot escape the treachery.

My personal experience with Space Land begins with a classic game my partner (Donkey Kong) and me (Birdo, the bougie dinosaur). I knew this game was gonna be something when a huge cinderblock with arms chased me all the way to the other side of the board, which plopped me head first into the laser. What happened next? My partner circled around the counter and had all of my money (100 coins by the way) disappear. To give you retrospect, having 100 coins or more is basically like being the 1%, so imagine that to losing all your money and being broke. It be feeling like everyone laughing at you. Like, “Ah ha! Wasn’t you out here making it rain on Toadette? Now look at you, scraping for three dollars every five steps.” It’s quite embarrassing actually. And the fact that you can’t even pay off the “space cops” (Shy Guys) if you don’t got money. They just ignore you saying, “we got paper work.”

This Whole Board is Disrespectful!

Mario Party

After I got chased to the back of the board and was left with no money, everything was wild. I passed by the bank; they pitied my ass. “We’ll take whatever you have.” I’m sure Koopa is just looking at me and internally saying, “Oh. Brokey McBroke Broke is back. Somebody, get her a dollar.”  I landed on the V.S. but didn’t have enough money for the betting pool. Toad started making side remarks about how there’s less money in the pot. Like obviously! You knew what was going on when I got here! Stop embarrassing me in front of the crew. I could sauté him for talking wild like that, but I’m not saying nothing.

But by far, what makes the Mario Party torture chamber worse are the item stores. If someone throwing boulders at you and a ghost coming to rob you isn’t enough, those mini shops set up throughout each board ran by Toad will do it. Toad the mastermind of all things PAIN has diabolical items ranging from things that can make you move faster, or reduce your opponents speed, steal things from them, etc. If you want to hurt someone ,Toad has it. But for the purpose of my own trauma, I’m gonna focus on one:

The “Chomp Call”

The Chomp Call summons three metal balls with TEETH to move Toadette to another star location. This item is inhumane. Not only does it revoke an opponent’s chance to get a star no matter how close they are, but it also puts Toadette at risk. Imagine you just see three wrecking balls with good dental coverage circling around you like sharks. I’d be terrified. This is Toadette’s life. The Chomp Call is probably one of the pettiest items in the game, because the computer specifically waits till you get really close to set it off. Right when you have your hopes and dreams, waited four turns to finally afford a star, then BAM! Somebody whips out their inhumane wrecking ball whistle to redirect the star somewhere else on the board. The places where Toadette falls, can lead the star directly to you or 50 steps away.

The Chomp Call is the Hateration in the Dancery
Mario Party


There’s been plenty of occasions by luck I roll high numbers and think I’m going to hit the star but like frustrating magic, I fall one step before it. I cry. I scream. Then, I see another player has a Chomp Call. They see my joy, pull it out and FWEEEEET! My hopes, my dreams dashed as I am forcibly taken back to the same side of the board I just came from and will take me another five turns to return to the star’s location.

I know we grew up thinking for generations that Mario Party is innocent fun and filled with activities for all ages. But I’m here to tell you that it is absolutely not. Folks get mad at violent shooter games; Mario Party needs that same energy. If you got your friends conspiring against you from 30 steps away, taking your money, making you succumb to money grubbing lasers and throwing boulders at you?! I think you have to rearrange your priorities.

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Mario Party

The post ‘Mario Party’ is a Torture Chamber appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.


July 10, 2022

How to Survive Summer 2022 Travel Armageddon

https://blackgirlnerds.com/how-to-survive-summer-2022-travel-armageddon/

Warmer weather and PTO aren’t the only things that Summer 2022 is bringing. Across airports around the world, a new phenomenon is occurring, called Travel Armageddon. Don’t worry it’s not another strain of COVID or the end of the world — but it is something that can impact your travel plans this summer.

Let’s take a look at why this event is occurring and how travelers can prepare for an inevitable chain of flight delays and cancellations.

What is Travel Armageddon and why is it happening?

The word Armageddon, when it’s not used to reference the movie, refers to the last mythological battle between good and evil. When it comes to Travel Armageddon, you may find yourself in a battle with your airlines. There have been massive amounts of flight cancellations — over 10,000 flights in a week according to USA Today.

So why is this happening? There are many reasons, one being that more people are traveling now. According to a survey done by the Vacationer, approximately 80 percent of Americans will be traveling this summer. This is approximately 20.8 million travelers.

There are also typical reasons such as weather conditions and lack of support. Caroline, author of the Veggie Wayfarer blog emailed BGN via HARO and shared her recent travel experiences. “I had 6 flights to take, one of them was canceled, and the other five were delayed. [Some of the flights] were late because of a storm, not enough personnel, and scirocco winds,” she explains.

According to Frank Harrison, Regional Security Director of North America at World Travel Protection, the pandemic not only pushed some veteran pilots into early retirement but also slowed down training and hiring. This led to fewer pilots, reduced routes, and canceled flights. And it seems that a shortage of pilots isn’t the only thing affecting flight cancellations.

Katelynn Sortino, a frequent flyer emailed BGN and shared her experience during a recent trip. “I flew back from Brussels’ Charleroi Airport and the flight was extremely delayed. Hundreds of us had to sit in small waiting areas for over three hours. The reason they gave was a staffing issue and that they didn’t have enough flight attendants,” Sortino shares. This has been the worse she has experienced in over 20+ years of flying.

How to prepare for flight delays and cancellations

Knowing why this is happening may ease your frustration but not dissolve it. The good news is that passengers and travelers still wield a lot of power. Daniel Green, co-founder of travel insurance startup Faye, emailed BGN and offered his advice.

1. Don’t schedule events and activities during the first few days of your trip

Part of the fun of a vacation is trying out new activities and adventures. But, it’s wise to not schedule your most important activities in the first few days. This will give you some wiggle room if you end up arriving late. Also, if you are traveling for a major event, plan to travel to your destination a day or two earlier.

2. Pack your essentials on your carry-on.

There is a big chance you might be separated from your luggage or you may be spending a night in the airport or a hotel. In your carry-on be sure to pack a change of clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, medications, or anything else you deem important.

3. Book a morning flight

The earlier you can get out, the better. “I’m talking three to four in the morning,” Emel, a world traveler who emailed BGN with her travel advice. “Even if your flight gets canceled, you have a better chance of getting [rebooked on the next flight]. The cascading of rebooking usually gets worse as the day goes on.“

Emel also recommends signing up for an airline’s frequent flyer program. “American Airlines AA Advantage program is free to register and gets you priority over those who don’t have it,” she suggests.

4. Consider other travel options

Depending on where you’re going, you might want to drive or take the train to your destination. Yes, gas prices are high but by doing a little bit of math, you can probably average a decent price. Also if you get stuck in a layover state and your destination is only a few hours away, rent a car and drive. It may be faster than waiting for the next available flight.

5. Buy travel insurance

Travel insurance can cover mishaps from canceled flights to luggage being misplaced. Green shares that with certain policies, “you can receive $200 for common trip inconveniences and delays, such as lost or delayed baggage of 6 hours or more, flight delays of 6 hours or more, or canceled flights.”

Even more travel advice

Traveling this summer is an all-hands-on-deck type of situation. Here is some additional advice to get you through it.

Download the airline app on your phone. This way you can get in-the-moment alerts and can easily rebook if needed

Be familiar with your airline’s cancellation and rebooking policies: No one likes to read the fine print, but doing so can help you get reimbursements and travel vouchers.

Use a credit card to book your flights: Geobreezetravel’s Instagram, which includes money-saving tips for traveling, suggests purchasing flights on credit cards such as the Chase Sapphire Preferred, which has trip protection. This protection can help you to get reimbursement for your expenses if you need it.

How to prepare for the worst

There may come a time when you’ve done all you could but you still find yourself stuck in some random destination. If that happens here’s what you can do.

What if your flight is canceled while you’re at the airport?

Move fast: Larry Snider, VP of Operations of Casago Vacations Rentals, suggests rushing to the airline agent’s desk as soon as you notice your flight is canceled. If you end up in a long line, try calling your carrier. The third option is a self-serve kiosk. Snider says, “Scan your boarding pass or enter your record locator to see your updated trip details. You can also switch your flight and print new boarding passes from there.”

File a claim: Mattias Magnusson, founder of CruiseTrail suggests that you keep all your receipts from out-of-pocket expenses. “You’ll need these items to make a claim. There are even service providers that will assist you with your claim,” Magnusson recommends.

Be patient and understanding: No one can wave a magic wand and fix all these problems. When you see travel agents make last-minute decisions, remember that you don’t know everything that is happening in their world. At the end of the day, everyone working at the airport is doing their jobs to the best of their abilities. Having a positive or at least neutral attitude can make life a little easier for everyone.

Be flexible: It’s always best to ask yourself, “What I can do now, and what are my options?” Dwelling on the problem won’t help you get to your destination. Exhaust all resources, and try talking to other people in similar situations. The more you’re willing to adjust and compromise, the more options you will have.


July 9, 2022

World Chocolate Day: Revisiting the Sweet Chaos of ‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’

https://blackgirlnerds.com/world-chocolate-day-revisiting-the-sweet-chaos-of-willy-wonka-the-chocolate-factory/

Load up on Wonka Bars because it’s World Chocolate Day!

What better way to celebrate than to revisit 1971’s Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory?

Based on the 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, the story follows young Charlie Bucket (Peter Ostrum), who comes from a poor family and spends his days delivering papers, going to school, and dreaming of a better life. When it’s announced that the titular chocolatier hid five golden tickets in his Wonka Bars, it becomes an absurd media frenzy across the globe. While wealthier kids are stocking up on possible golden ticket-holding chocolate bars, Charlie is only able to afford two. However, that’s all he needs since the second one has his lucky break. 

The other golden ticket winners include four wildly obnoxious children and their equally terrible parents — spoiled Veruca Salt (Julie Dawn Cole) with her father (Roy Kinnear), gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde (Denise Nickerson) with her father (Leonard Stone), TV-obsessed Mike Teevee (Paris Themmen) with his mother (Dodo Denney), and the gluttonous Augustus Gloop (Michael Böllner) with his mother (Ursula Reit). Then there’s our sympathetic protagonist with his Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson), who, upon Charlie’s big win, springs to life and bounces around their one-room home. Never mind that he’s supposedly been bedridden for two decades with the three other Bucket elders. 

Right away, the reclusive and enigmatic Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) proves that he’s untrustworthy, something Wilder purposely wanted to convey with the character’s faux limp-and-tumble entrance. It doesn’t take long for the parents to get frustrated with this cheeky trickster who only speaks in riddles and casual insults. Wonka’s a sassy one and definitely doesn’t hold back on the sarcasm. 

No matter how many times I see the film, I still feel a childlike awe when he leads them into the Chocolate Room. It’s a candy land that looks like a cross between the Land of Oz and an outdated amusement park. The fact that everything is edible may seem fun at first but I just imagine how sticky everything would be — candy trees, mushrooms with big spots of cream, and the disgusting chocolate river. No, thank you. 

Wonka introduces the eerily silent orange-skinned, green-haired Oompa-Loompas and makes himself out to be their savior from their predator dominated homeland. The Oompa-Loompas are known for immediately roasting the bad kids after their comeuppance. They sing one of their trademark preachy songs during one particularly disturbing scene. When Violet Beauregarde chews Wonka’s experimental “three-course meal” gum, she swells up like a blueberry balloon, prompting her dad to say one of my favorite lines in cinematic history: “Violet, you’re turning violet, Violet!” 

Wonka is an eccentric, boisterous, madman, who is clearly unstable and probably shouldn’t be around children, or at the very least, shouldn’t be holding contests for his nightmare factory. He set out to disorient his guests with constantly evolving surroundings and his Seussian contraptions. 

The trippy boat ride through the tunnel has traumatized many viewers over the years, thanks to Gene Wilder’s terrifying and brilliant performance, as well as the incredibly unpleasant imagery. It gets worse when his already ominous singing builds to full-on yelling.

I think what’s always freaked me out the most is when Wonka gets upset with Charlie. First off, his office is already bonkers, so trying to navigate this man’s sudden mood change is even more jarring. He also casually mentions the various places these kids could end up like, you know, a boiler room, trash chute, or furnace. Let’s be real, did any kid except Charlie actually survive the Chocolate Factory? 

Next year, Warner Bros. is set to release Wonka, a prequel/origin story of a young Willy Wonka, played by Dune star Timothée Chalamet. Is this something we need? Definitely not, but I am a little intrigued by the concept. Of course, no one can top Wilder’s definitive performance. Sorry, Johnny. 

For budgetary reasons, Willy Wonka was filmed in Munich, Germany, which explains why the environment looks like some sort of fairytale village, given its British folk horror vibe like 1973’s The Wicker Man. The ambiguous location actually works for this film, given its bizarre story and characters. While it’s not unusual for the accents to coexist, it’s strange that half of the people in this town are British, while others, like Charlie and his family, are American.

Another thing that I never realized is that there are literally no POC characters — main, supporting, or background. Dahl’s widow said in an interview that her husband originally wrote the character of Charlie as Black, but was advised to change it (for a ridiculous reason).  

Plenty of things about the film don’t make sense, leaving us many unanswered questions. What’s with the whole decades-long bed situation with Grandpa Joe and the elders? How does Joe buy tobacco and chocolate bars if he never gets up? Did Charlie make some much needed changes upon inheriting the factory, like getting rid of the slew of death traps? Burning questions aside, Willy Wonka is an absolute fever dream of a film that continues to be a fun watch that’ll activate your sweet tooth. 

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is currently streaming on HBO Max.


July 9, 2022

Why I Love the ‘Standard Comic Script’

https://blacknerdproblems.com/why-i-love-the-standard-comic-script/

In early May, editor, educator, and Heart of the City cartoonist Steenz, and writer, artist, and Z2 Comics Senior Editor Camilla Zhang dropped the Standard Comics Script, an attempt to provide writers with a foundational entry point into writing scripts: to not only help them to get their ideas out in a succinct way, but it also streamlines the process for everyone else in the comics-making process.

Making comics is all about collaboration. Nothing falls on one person’s shoulders. Since everyone’s work is predicated on the writer’s script, the Standard Comics Script exists in part to just make everyone’s job a whole lot easier. 

As someone who is still very much getting started in this industry, figuring out how to write a comic script is something I still struggle with. It hasn’t stopped me from completing a script, but I’d be lying if I told you my lack of knowledge or direction in this process at the beginning didn’t slow me down at times.

While talking to Comicsbeat, Steenz and Zhang mention how in other mediums like screenwriting or television writing, there’s one streamlined way to write a script, and if you don’t adhere to those guidelines, your work won’t even get looked at.

Comic Script

But there’s no streamlined way to write a script for comics, and whenever you ask someone who writes, they’ll just give you insight into how they do it or tell you to figure out what best practices work for you. While the liberation of that may be nice for some, for those that are just trying to find their footing in this medium and tell dope stories, it can be daunting to not have the reassurance that what you’re doing is the right way. Being told that there is no right way is kind of maddening if I’m being honest. 

The Standard Comic Script aims, and in my opinion succeeds, in breaking down those barriers and providing something useful for everyone who works in this medium, in an attempt to make the process of creating dope comic books just a little bit easier. 

Putting it to Use

I tried it out by writing a comic using the Standard Comic Script template myself. Before this, I’d written about 8 stories that actually made it from script to completed comic (as I said, still getting started), and the script I wrote using the Standard Comic Script was finished in record time for me. I wrote a 6-page story in like an hour and a half. 

It’s a very simple story that could still use a little TLC. I’m in no way saying it’s good or ready to move forward to the next stage, but I’ve never brought a story across the first-draft finish line, short or not, in such little time where I actually felt like it was solid and readable. That’s got to mean something. 

My story is about an asteroid born out of an exploding planet that is on a collision course with Earth, and I likened it to someone getting kicked out of their apartment. The story is narrated by the asteroid, and his main goal is he just wants a new home: Earth. That’s not going to be good for anyone.

Comic Script
I said I wrote a script. I never said it was good.

What made this such a smooth process for me was that there was so much less I had to worry about when writing. So often when I sit down to write, after staring at the screen for three hours searching for motivation, the thing that always slows me down is formatting my script. I’m one of those people that have found a formula that works for me and typically those I work with, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t sometimes cause me to have to think more than I should have to. 

Using the Standard Comic Script, and simply using it as a template to follow, made the writing process infinitely easier. I wasn’t staring at a haunting blank white screen anymore. I was staring at a skeleton. Still kind of scary, but it felt more like I was filling in blanks rather than making something out of absolutely nothing. In reality, I still was doing that, but seeing each part of the script that needed to be there just helped me focus on the important aspects of the story itself, instead of getting bogged down by small little details. 

Color Coordination

Part of what makes the Standard Comic Script so helpful is the color coordination. I know this sounds a little silly, but I can’t believe adding a little color went so far into making this process for me, the writer, a lot easier. It makes sense why it would make it a less stressful process for those who come after me, but as a writer, I found that focusing on different colors for different areas of the script kept me much more engaged and helped me place where certain things needed to go. 

I often struggle with where or how I should address notes for a letterer. Well not anymore, because everything a letterer needs to see is centered, and highlighted in purple or green in the Standard Comic Script. Now I don’t have to waste precious brain energy figuring out if I need to leave a note at the end of a panel description in bold, or right next to the narration or dialogue. That energy can go straight to the storytelling decisions that I need to make, which are hard enough on their own, but next to impossible when weighed down with figuring out logistical stuff. 

From the letterer’s point of view, this has to be really nice. Picking up a script and knowing your work stems from two colors only, and you just need to look at the centered margins? It’s all right there in front of you and you can get to work a hell of a lot quicker. 

Of course, the Standard Comic Script isn’t the first script to use color coordination, but for me, someone who likes organization but often lacks the imagination or insight to implement it on my own, I appreciate that this template is as accessible as it is. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have thought to color coordinate my scripts until I’d painstakingly written at least 10 more of them. I’m dumb like that.

Dialogue/Narration

I love the way the Standard Comic Script lays out the dialogue and narration in the center of the script. Like a lot of the other things in this template, this obviously isn’t the first time a comic script has done this, but it’s the first time, at least for me, that I can see how effective it is.

Up until this point, I would keep all my writing on the left margin, but centering the dialogue and narration really helps it stand out to the reader, who when it comes to comics, is always going to be your editor, artist, colorer, and letterer. Sorry folks, most people aren’t reading comic scripts for fun.

I go to school for television writing, so I’m pretty familiar with writing screenplays and television scripts. Centering dialogue comes pretty naturally at this point, but it’s still something I hadn’t thought about much until now when it comes to comics. I definitely see myself moving forward with this in my future scripts. When you couple this with the color coordination, it makes the script so much more readable, and that’s really the ultimate goal. You don’t want people searching for stuff like a needle in a haystack in your script. 

Backlash

Of course, whenever something new drops, or when a tool to make something easier becomes available, everyone wants to give their unwanted opinions. Things aren’t any different for the Standard Comic Script

Although there was a lot of initial praise and excitement, there were a lot of people who seemed very annoyed about the Standard Comic Script template. Most of those people were writers, and most of those people were…you got it, white men.

The Standard Comic Script is a template designed to make the process easier for everyone. It isn’t a rule to live or die by. You’re still free to write a comic script any way you want to, so why get mad?

Comic Script

It’s no secret that the comics industry, like basically every other industry, is dominated by white men, so their backlash to something like this is very gatekeepy. Why would you have an issue with making something easier for someone just starting out, or smoothing out the process that the rest of the creative team has to work through?

It’s giving insecurity. Seems like these people are so afraid of giving people the opportunity to learn a craft in a much more digestible way than was readily available, that they’re mocking its integrity to invalidate its effectiveness. 

You can still try and write a script like you’re trying to be the next great American author. If that works for you, then do you. But let everyone else do what works for them too.

Comics is about community, not exclusivity. The Standard Comic Script is at the heart of that. If you can’t see that, you’re probably in this business for the wrong reasons. 

I know one thing for sure, I’m adopting so much from the Standard Comic Script into how I write comics in the future. Sure, the Big Two (Marvel, and DC) have their own in-house ways to write a script, but not everyone writes scripts for Marvel and DC, and not everyone wants to. And even if you do, the only way to get there is by making your own comics first. 

What’s also really helpful is that Steenz & Zhang even illustrated a comic based on the Standard Comic Script (the one you’ve been seeing throughout this article), using the Standard Comic Script as its script, so if you need a direct example to see its application, look no further.  

At the end of the day, adopting aspects of this template is going to help you immensely if you’re still figuring things out. If you’re established and you don’t need it, guess what? You don’t have to use it. But in the meantime, shut up. 

Check out Steenz’s website or Camilla’s website to download the template for the Standard Comic Script for yourself.

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Comic Script

The post Why I Love the ‘Standard Comic Script’ appeared first on Black Nerd Problems.


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