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#RelationshipGoals are most likely destroying the way we see relationships. Social media feeds us this idea that relationships are idyllic, euphoric houses of love, but dealing with humans is messy. Compatibility may be instant, but learning to really do life with someone is a practice that can take years.
A lot of people don’t want to do this work, and instead opt out when things get a little hard.
“Our expectations are higher today because we are flooded with images of “perfect love” from TV, films, advertisements, and social media,” relationship coach, Claudia Cox told Elite Daily.
“We expect perfection and, if we don’t find it, we move on quickly. This makes dating harder because it’s common for us to look for what’s wrong with someone, instead of focusing on what’s right. We expect an intense spark to be there from the start. If it’s not, we check out and look for someone else, because we feel it’s easy to meet someone thanks to modern technology.”
Our cancel culture goes beyond Internet celebrities, it extends to relationships too. It can be hard to weigh if your current bae is worth the investment or not–but all good relationships require it. But we can get so caught up in only wanting to have fun, that we miss the deep love that comes with consistent effort.
“Having fun has become more and more important in today’s culture,” Cox explained.
“After the initial spark wears off and the routine sets in, we become frustrated, bored, and want to experience the spark again. Many people would rather start fresh than fully dive into the other phases of love. And the ease of finding someone online takes away the perceived risk of ending up alone.”
But the fact is, if we are constantly switching it up in search of perfection and ease, we are more likely to end up alone. Any relationship with a human, even your perfect astrological match or your soulmate, is going to take a bit of work.
So if you want the real thing, make sure you are ready for the responsibility and discipline that comes with it, not just the photos.
Source: nattrass / Getty
#RelationshipGoals are most likely destroying the way we see relationships. Social media feeds us this idea that relationships are idyllic, euphoric houses of love, but dealing with humans is messy. Compatibility may be instant, but learning to really do life with someone is a practice that can take years.
A lot of people don’t want to do this work, and instead opt out when things get a little hard.
“Our expectations are higher today because we are flooded with images of “perfect love” from TV, films, advertisements, and social media,” relationship coach, Claudia Cox told Elite Daily.
“We expect perfection and, if we don’t find it, we move on quickly. This makes dating harder because it’s common for us to look for what’s wrong with someone, instead of focusing on what’s right. We expect an intense spark to be there from the start. If it’s not, we check out and look for someone else, because we feel it’s easy to meet someone thanks to modern technology.”
Our cancel culture goes beyond Internet celebrities, it extends to relationships too. It can be hard to weigh if your current bae is worth the investment or not–but all good relationships require it. But we can get so caught up in only wanting to have fun, that we miss the deep love that comes with consistent effort.
“Having fun has become more and more important in today’s culture,” Cox explained.
“After the initial spark wears off and the routine sets in, we become frustrated, bored, and want to experience the spark again. Many people would rather start fresh than fully dive into the other phases of love. And the ease of finding someone online takes away the perceived risk of ending up alone.”
But the fact is, if we are constantly switching it up in search of perfection and ease, we are more likely to end up alone. Any relationship with a human, even your perfect astrological match or your soulmate, is going to take a bit of work.
So if you want the real thing, make sure you are ready for the responsibility and discipline that comes with it, not just the photos.
I may never see When They See Us, Ava DuVernay’s groundbreaking, disturbing and necessary documentary for Netflix about the Central Park Five saga, one of the worst chapters in New York City’s long tradition of racially biased law enforcement and mass media.
If I were still raising minor children, I’d be watching When They See Us with them, just as my mother required us to watch the groundbreaking Roots miniseries in 1977 (Her oldest child, I was 17 then).
However, I lived through the whole Central Park Five (Raymond Santana, Kevin Richardson, Antron McCray, Yusef Salaam and Korey Wise) media massacre—and the false narrative of young black and brown males “wilding” through the city that it justified—both personally, as a resident of Brooklyn, and professionally as a New York journalist. I’ve reached a stage of my life where I do my best to avoid unnecessarily re-traumatizing experiences.
I’m not saying I’ll never watch the documentary, but… let’s just say that I’m going to protect my mental health and spiritual peace, PERIOD.
The people who most need to watch When They See Us (in addition to young people) are those who are in deepest denial of the racial injustice that contaminates both law enforcement and mass media—which puts the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness of black people, and young black males in particular, at ever present risk.
What made Roots matter was not that it was a revelation for black people (other than us kids at the time), but for white people (including many of my high school classmates) who were ignorant or in denial of the reality of slavery. The same must happen for content like When They See Us if we hope for comparable impact. (By the way, the media currently showering this doc with accolades—and likely to add more than a few well-deserved awards in the future—is the same media that vilified the Central Park Five, and continues to vilify victims of police brutality today.)
As for me, I’ve seen this “movie” too many times. The Scottsboro Boys. The Groveland Four. Jena Six. And countless others too numerous to name. I’ll pass on When They See Us, at least for now.
The ideas and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author’s and not necessarily the opinion of Black Enterprise.
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‘Queen Sugar’ star Kofi Siriboe is back doing press rounds for the upcoming season of the hit OWN show, and per usual he’s driving all the ladies crazy with his beautiful smile, delicious skin, and new-found single status.
During an appearance on Good Morning American: Strahan & Sara, the 25-year-old revealed he weans wisdom about women from his cast mates.
“I get insight. I’m working with grown women, and so many types of grown women. I just try to pay attention. I take a lot of notes. And they share a lot, and they see me as a little brother,” he told the hosts.
Perhaps he used that knowledge to navigate his breakup with supermodel Duckie Thot. Without directly referencing Duckie, he did say that his mom has a straight forward approach to his dating life.
“She can see through all the B.S. Like, she’s like, ‘I don’t like her. I’m gonna let you experience that, but I don’t like her.’ And it’s never in a judgy way, it’s like, ‘Sweet girl, but that’s not for you.’”
Looks like the advice has sunk in because the actor is living the bachelor life now, “I’m single right now,” he told the rowdy audience.
Considering how much Kofi loves his mama, the next woman in his life has a large legacy to look up too.
“She’s an African woman, and when she wants it, she’s gonna get it,” he said of his determined mother. “And that’s what she taught us. I mean, nobody handed her anything. She worked so hard to be in the position she’s in, and to put us in the position we’re in. I just wouldn’t be here without her. That’s my rock!”
One lady who may stand a chance, is none of than the richest woman in music, Rihanna. Kofi gushed that the Fenty Beauty mogul was his celeb crush.
“I wouldn’t slide in her DMs, ’cause she probably got so many DMs! But Rihanna- that’s my lil’ baby,” he said.
“She’s a Pisces like me, and you know, she just did that Gambino film, and her name was Kofi! I’m like, ‘That wasn’t no accident!’ You could’ve been anybody! I see you, Robyn!”
You can watch more below: