2018
https://www.geek.com/movies/moviebob-reviews-rampage-2018-1736675/?source
Is Rampage good? Rampage is great! Really? Yes, really! Is it really based on the old video game where the monsters punch buildings? And climb buildings, and knock buildings over, and eat people, […]
The post MovieBob Reviews: RAMPAGE (2018) appeared first on Geek.com.
Is Rampage good? Rampage is great! Really? Yes, really! Is it really based on the old video game where the monsters punch buildings? And climb buildings, and knock buildings over, and eat people, […]
The post MovieBob Reviews: RAMPAGE (2018) appeared first on Geek.com.
Peter Parker is NOT on this list because he is a LITERAL CHILD.
Star-Lord/Peter Quill
Peter Quill would have his fun and then fall asleep. He doesn't care about you at all. Just sayin'.
Marvel
Drax
Do you really want to jump into bed with a guy who takes everything literally? I sure don't. He's literally "The Destroyer." No thanks!
Marvel
Hulk/Bruce Banner
Bruce Banner probably wouldn't be terrible in bed, but Hulk? Yeah, no. Good luck with that. Plus, Bruce would be constantly worrying about Hulking out, and wouldn't you be a little worried too?
Marvel
Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff
This dude's whole thing is that he's really ~fast~ — do I really need to elaborate?
Marvel
War Machine/James Rhodes
Honestly? He's really attractive but do you ever, like, think about War Machine? He's just kinda there. He'd probably be a great husband, though!
Marvel
Ant-Man/Scott Lang
He's a grower, not a shower, but let's face it — he'd be totally ordinary in bed.
Marvel
Nick Fury
Nick Fury has been married to his job his entire life. He's definitely got moves, but he's not sticking around to cuddle after.
Marvel
The Grandmaster
Real talk — this dude is kinky AF, but not at all GGG. So.
Marvel
Falcon/Sam Wilson
Sam Wilson is total boyfriend material and he'd be a generous lover, but... ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Marvel
Vision
He's somehow both soulful and mechanical, and he'd be ruthlessly efficient in bed. But it'd kinda be like being with a sentient vibrator who was also a clingy boyfriend.
Marvel
Hawkeye/Clint Barton
His wife seems real happy.
Marvel
Captain America/Steve Rogers
There is no denying that Steve Rogers is objectively a perfect human specimen. However, it took him like four movies to even KISS a girl. Also, let's face it, you can never compete with Peggy (or Bucky).
Marvel
Doctor Strange/Doctor Stephen Strange
Everything about this guy SCREAMS "fuckboy," but like, not in a totally bad way? He knows what he's doing and he's good with his fingers, which counts for a lot.
Marvel
Loki
You KNOW this guy is trash, and yet. And yet! He could talk you into anything and you would enjoy it. Thoroughly. Unf.
Marvel
Black Panther/T'Challa
YOOOOOOOOOOOO, this dude is smooth and romantic, like a Boyz II Men slow jam. He'll make love to you like you want him to, and make you feel like a true queen. Wakanda forever.
Marvel
Winter Soldier/James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes
LOOK AT THIS GUY. LOOK AT HIS MOUTH. LOOK. HE HAS SO MUCH PAIN IN HIS SOUL. BEAUTIFUL, SEXY PAIN. MAYBE YOU CAN HELP HIM. ONLY YOU. HE HAS SO MANY INTENSE FEELINGS AND AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE FEELINGS IS "HORNY."
Marvel
Killmonger/Erik Stevens (N'Jadaka)
Hello. Hi. Look at this man. Just...look at him. He's intense, he's driven, he's passionate. He's good at everything. He would be so focused on winning, and in this case "winning" means...well, you get the idea.
Marvel
Iron Man/Tony Stark
Let me break this down for you:
1) Tony Stark is extremely experienced. He knows what's up.
2) He has an ego based entirely upon his desire for unimpeachable excellence. He would absolutely make sure you spent the next decade bragging about how good he was in bed.
3) If for some reason you weren't satisfied, he would create a DEVICE just for your pleasure. And it would WORK. REALLY WELL.
4) The whole experience would be fun, surprisingly emotional, and glamorous.
Marvel
Thor
Full disclosure — I didn't actually want to make Thor #1 on this list, but facts are facts. Objectively, Thor is gonna be the best in bed. He's 10,000 years old. He's done everything. He knows how to party, and he'd be there in the morning to make you breakfast. And he's the GOD OF THUNDER. Hammer or no, this guy can bring it.
Marvel
You’d think being the fifth richest person in the world would mean you could do whatever you want whenever you want. Turns out, however, if your social media website sold out its users’ data so their personal information could be mined by an evil company working on behalf of a dictatorship to install their chosen candidate as the leader of the free world by individually exploiting voters worst fears, well then it’s a whole thing.
when everything's fine and you feel great pic.twitter.com/d8wenWQfd5
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) April 10, 2018
But having to answer some ineffective questions by a group of mostly confused old white men who don’t know how to turn on their computers isn’t all that terrible. But you know what is bad? Getting roasted by the entire internet for your awkward, robotic testimony to the United States senate. Because while Mark Zuckerberg had to answer for his Facebook‘s serious breaches of trust and amoral business decisions, plenty of people had fun with it. So to briefly ignore the horrible dystopian implications it all had for our future, and to give ourselves a temporary reprieve from the never-ending nightmare of the modern world, here are the best reactions to his testimony.
Mark Zuckerberg: Definitely a Real Human
act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human act like human pic.twitter.com/lYSVV1Vg7Y
— it me jeff meltz (@thecultureofme) April 10, 2018
This Zuckerberg hearing turned into a battle of TNG vs DS9. pic.twitter.com/lyro4V1Gel
— April Wolfe (@AWolfeful) April 10, 2018
Senator: “You insist that you’re human.. could I ask you to walk over here and demonstrate that for me?”
Mark #Zuckerberg: pic.twitter.com/l0GC4sCgCm
— Mark Zuckerberg Memes (@ZuckerbergMemes) April 10, 2018
Hello, I am Mark Zuckerberg. A human dressed me in this tie to seem approachable.
— Futurism (@futurism) April 10, 2018
Totally not a robot#Zuckerberg pic.twitter.com/dQ37VYlaYL
— Bear (@Mechacomfy) April 10, 2018
I made the Zuckerberg testimony bingo board so you don't have to. pic.twitter.com/dsuli2qEMo
— Molly McGlew (@MollyMcGlew) April 10, 2018
— Matt Patches (@misterpatches) April 10, 2018
Does This Look “Suit” Him?
When your normal look is a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, and you aren’t exactly known for your warmth, it can be jarring for people to suddenly see you in a suit trying to appear professional.
How you look bullshitting in class vs when your parents show up at the principals office. pic.twitter.com/lNxYQrpH42
— KING TRILLMONGER (@IfyNwadiwe) April 10, 2018
when u drink 2 glasses of red wine while watching Amelie and decide to cut your own bangs pic.twitter.com/EPYHtZn3QI
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 10, 2018
LOL does he get a kiddie restaurant placemat to draw on with that booster seat (from @KaivanShroff) pic.twitter.com/PEcOUnKMbZ
— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) April 10, 2018
Mark Zuckerberg sounds like a kid at his first Model UN conference who has clearly only read his country’s Wikipedia page the night before committee and is relying solely on his knowledge of procedure.
— Erin Vail
(@vailerin32) April 10, 2018
That face when you just wanted a faster way to rank girls by looks and ended up installing a fascist government in the most powerful country on earth pic.twitter.com/VEaQjz9Z6s
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) April 10, 2018
Haven’t We Seen This Before?
Zuckerberg had a very famous hearing we’ve all seen, right?
anyway, here's zuckerberg's arrival set to the radiohead cover from "the social network" trailer pic.twitter.com/wsuA8GaVFY
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 10, 2018
Watching this Zuckerberg thing and was not expecting to see the Winklevoss twins pop up behind him playing shirtless racquetball
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) April 10, 2018
Mr. Zuckerberg, my constituents are very concerned about Aaron Sorkin's stilted and contrived dialogue. Would you please recite this SOCIAL NETWORK monologue in your natural cadence?
— Lachlan Markay (@lachlan) April 10, 2018
How many senators would have noticed if Mark Zuckerberg had sent Jesse Eisenberg in his place? Less than half, right?
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 10, 2018
I'd bet a large amount of money that the extent of at least one of these senators' research for this hearing was just watching The Social Network last night and casually scrolling Facebook this morning.
— Bradford Pearson (@BradfordPearson) April 10, 2018
It's all happening so fast. #MarkZuckerberg pic.twitter.com/5mxQ9L7FOe
— Molly McGlew (@MollyMcGlew) April 10, 2018
Not Great, Senators!
Zuckerberg might not have even had the worst performance during the hearing. That (dis)honor goes to the Senators who seemed to be in way over their heads talking about how Facebook was weaponized.
“Mr. Zuckerberg, I recently took a test on your site that said my Saved By The Bell character was Screech. I ask you, sir, do you feel I am Screech?” pic.twitter.com/zg6SDQcOhL
— McNeil (@Reflog_18) April 10, 2018
How the government sounds trying to talk about Facebook. #Zuckerberg pic.twitter.com/tt00NBCoI7
— Cycle (@bycycle) April 10, 2018
It would be cool to see Zuckerberg questioned by people who know how Facebook works
— Dan Pfeiffer (@danpfeiffer) April 10, 2018
Being yelled at for hours by a bunch of old skeletons who do not understand "the computer" is not quite the hell Zuckerberg deserves, but it's a suburb of it for sure
— Waikiki Wanda (@bulkUSBchargers) April 10, 2018
Mark Zuckerberg is now living out every young person's worst nightmare: trying to explain how tech stuff works to the nation's elderly
— Robby Soave (@robbysoave) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, can you explain how I’ve been on Facebook for ten years and yet still do not have one friend request accepted?” #ZuckerbergTestimony pic.twitter.com/gPJu9V76l1
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) April 10, 2018
I’d rather Mark Zuckerberg have my entire search history and all my credit card numbers than have to listen to Ted Cruz for another 30 seconds
— Jordan Zakarin (@jordanzakarin) April 10, 2018
Mark Zuckerberg getting The Real Facebook Experience in listening to Sen. Chuck Grassley, an 84yo man who cannot type and is confused and upset by everything he sees, just kind of rattling on about shit.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) April 10, 2018
Not a single Senator has the stones to ask Mark Zuckerberg to take a quiz to see which 90210 character he is.
— McNeil (@Reflog_18) April 10, 2018
ZUCKERBERG DIARY ENTRY
FEB 19, 2018
Dear diary,
I suspect Facebook could profit in perpetuity as a govt protected monopoly through regulatory capture, if only there were a way to be sure the govt had no idea how to regulate it…APR 10, 2018
Dear diary,
GREAT NEWS— Kilgore Trout (@KT_So_It_Goes) April 10, 2018
senator: my aides have given me this complex multi-part question to read to you in a halting and uncertain voice
zuckerberg: oh no don't worry about that, our new motto is 'we fixed it'
senator: that sounds wrong but i don't know what to ask— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) April 10, 2018
I, for one, am glad the people tasked with grilling Zuckerberg are computer illiterate old men who have received thousands of dollars in campaign donations from his company. Should really get to the bottom of things!
— Rogue WH Snr Advisor (@RogueSNRadvisor) April 10, 2018
Who will be the first senator to ask Zuckerberg why their grandson won't accept their friend request?
— andrew kaczynski
(@KFILE) April 10, 2018
Things are getting heated at the Zuckerberg hearing on the Hill, if this transcript clip is any indication. pic.twitter.com/MrnxHf4pFe
— Jesse Singal (@jessesingal) April 10, 2018
“Mr. Zuckerberg, a magazine i recently opened came with a floppy disk offering me 30 free hours of something called America On-Line. Is that the same as Facebook?” pic.twitter.com/U7pqpUhEhQ
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 10, 2018
We Chose Poorly
A theory: Facebook is bad and we should have chosen another platform to post cat videos.
tfw you aren't being grilled by the Senate Judiciary Committee pic.twitter.com/0gbOmDtJq8
— Jeffrey Young (@JeffYoung) April 10, 2018
We really should have stayed on Myspace tho.
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) April 10, 2018
When you poke her but she doesn’t poke back. pic.twitter.com/yxJ07O3mw3
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) April 10, 2018
Zuckerberg is changing his relationship status with Facebook to “It’s Complicated”.
— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) April 10, 2018
When he heard Mark Zuckerberg would be testifying. pic.twitter.com/7kAadyJNMQ
— Diane N. Sevenay (@Diane_7A) April 10, 2018
If this Zuckerberg hearing doesn't end with a senator demanding that he introduce a "dislike" button, what are we even here for?
— Andy Merritt (@A_Merritt) April 10, 2018
Of course we all know who the joke is really on: all of us.
didnt watch any of that shit but let me guess: two halfway good questions that didnt get answered and the rest is old people confused by computers and zuckerberg being asked why facebook is biased against honest conservative americans for like an hour
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) April 10, 2018
Worst case scenario for Mark Zuckerberg, he’s the richest unemployed person of all time.
— Jordan Zakarin (@jordanzakarin) April 10, 2018
Well….that’s sad. Even more depressing though? We still want you to share this on Facebook.
What was the best reaction you saw to today’s hearing? Hit like on it and post it to our comments section below.
More of the Internet’s Best Reactions
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- And finally, to the name of the Han Solo movie, Solo.
Image: Facebook Live